


Disappeared

by LibraryMage



Series: Lost and Found [1]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Child Abuse, Gen, Maul is a Really Bad parental figure, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-05-20 11:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14893371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: Ephraim and Mira Bridger wake up in the middle of the night to find their son gone.Far away, on another planet in another system, a boy named Ezra grows up with no family, being trained in the ways of the Force.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> About a year ago, I started writing the Break Your Chains series, which is an AU where Maul finds Ezra before Kanan does. Shortly after I started that series, I started thinking about this one. It's based on the same premise, except Maul finds Ezra when he's a lot younger.
> 
> This series deals a lot with child abuse and trauma, so some content might be disturbing or triggering. I'll be putting content warnings at the beginning of chapters that need them, so heed those, and leave a comment if you need me to summarize a chapter for you so you can skip it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abduction; child abuse

If she’d been asked, Mira wouldn’t have been able to say what exactly had woken her up.  It hadn’t been a sound -- at least she didn’t _think_ it had been -- but she knew she hadn’t just woken up for no reason.  As she slowly sat up, an uneasy feeling crept through her, like a prickling sensation beginning in the back of her mind and spreading across her skin.  She didn’t know what, but something was just…off.

On impulse, she stood up, thankful that her husband was such a deep sleeper, and quietly left the room.  She made her way down the dark hallway toward Ezra’s room as silently as she could manage.  He was the complete opposite of his father, waking at the slightest hint of movement, no matter how quiet it was.  As she drew closer, she knew immediately that something wasn’t right.  The door to Ezra’s room was closed.  Ezra still had some trouble with door controls, so at night they would leave the door locked open in case Ezra needed to leave the room.

As Mira opened the door and slipped into the room, almost completely dark except for the soft glow in the corner made by Ezra’s nightlight, she made her way over to Ezra’s bed only to find the source of that strange feeling that had spread over her as she woke up.

The bed was empty.  Ezra was gone.

She told herself not to panic.  Her heart immediately ignored that order, hammering faster and faster in her chest.  She crouched to the floor and looked under the bed.  Ezra liked small, enclosed spaces.  Maybe…but he wasn’t there, either.  She ran out into the hallway, all thoughts of being quiet forgotten.  She hurried to the refresher and knocked on the door.

“Ezra?” she called.  There was no response.  She opened the door.  The light in the room was off and as she switched it on, she saw no sign of Ezra.

Back in the hallway, she threw open the closet door.  Empty.  Her dread grew with each room she checked.  The house was small and didn’t take long to search, and she could find no sign of her son anywhere.  She braced one hand on the wall as her breathing grew heavier.  She couldn’t panic, not right now.  She needed her head clear so she could think of other places to look.

“Mira, what’s wrong?”

She jumped and turned to see Ephraim standing at the bottom of the stairs.  In her almost-panic, she hadn’t even thought to wake him.

“It’s Ezra,” she said.  “He’s -- wait.”

She turned away from her husband, leaning down and shoving aside the panel in the floor that led to the secret basement under the house.  She’d thought Ezra didn’t know about the room yet, but he was smart and he was curious and it wasn’t too much of a leap to think he might have discovered it on his own.

She descended the ladder, calling her son’s name.  Ephraim followed her and together they searched every corner of the room.  There weren’t many places to look.  It was a small room without much space to hide in, and it didn’t take them long to determine that Ezra wasn’t there.

“No,” she muttered.  “No, no, _no_.”

“It’s okay,” Ephraim said.  “He might have just wandered off.  He can’t have gone far.”

Even as he tried to give her some small shred of hope, on some level, they both knew it was empty.  Ezra was three years old.  What would possess him to wander off in the middle of the night?  They weren’t ready to admit it yet, but something terrible had happened to their son.

They scaled the ladder and raced outside, splitting up and running in opposite directions down the street, shouting Ezra’s name.  As Mira raced past a neighbor’s house, the door opened and the neighbor, a blue-skinned Togruta woman, her name was Ryssa if Mira was remembering right, peered out onto the street.

“Everything okay?” she asked, her voice slurred from sleep.

“Ezra’s gone,” Mira said, her voice shaking.

Ryssa’s eyes widened slightly, the news seeming to wake her up fully.  She retreated back into the house for a moment before emerging holding a flashlight.  She and Mira took off down the street again, shouting for Ezra as Ryssa swept the beam of light across the shadows around them.

Other neighbors woke up and joined their search, spreading out over the next few blocks, calling for Ezra and looking everywhere they could think of.  With each passing minute, Mira felt like something was constricting tighter and tighter around her chest as she grew more and more certain that Ezra was long gone.

Within ten minutes, two stormtroopers rounded the corner onto their street.

“What’s going on here?” one of them asked, his voice harsh, clearly resenting being one of those who drew the short straw of investigating a disturbance in the middle of the night.  “You know the law.  No unauthorized assembly.”

“Our son is missing,” Ephraim said, putting himself between Mira and the soldiers.  “We’re looking for him.”

The stormtroopers glanced at each other, and for a moment, Mira dared to hope that it was a look of concern and that for once the Imperial presence on Lothal would be of some help.

“You two, stay here,” the same trooper who’d spoken before said.  He raised his voice to address the others.  “The rest of you, disperse immediately!”

The small group of neighbors who’d been helping their search left, some of them quickly, others much more reluctantly.

“When did you last see him?” the stormtrooper asked.

“About four hours ago when we put him to bed,” Mira said.

“We need his name, age and a physical description,” the other said.

“Ezra Bridger,” Ephraim said after a second of hesitation so brief Mira doubted the stormtroopers noticed it.  “He’s three, but small for his age.  Black hair, blue eyes, skin about the same shade as hers.”

“Both of you go home in case he comes back,” the first trooper said.  “Someone will come later to look for evidence and take a statement.”

With that, both soldiers turned away and left.  Mira let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding and her shoulders dropped out of their tense, almost-defensive position.  Ephraim’s hand slid into hers and together, they walked back toward the house.  As they made their way down the now-deserted street, a new and horrible possibility entered Mira’s mind.  What if the Empire had taken Ezra?  What if they had discovered the identities of the voices that beamed anti-Imperial messages across hidden frequencies and hijacked Holonet broadcasts and had abducted their son in retaliation, rather than just arresting them?

She voiced this thought to Ephraim in a soft whisper so she wouldn’t be overheard, not that there was anyone left on the street to listen in.  His grip on her hand only grew tighter and she knew without his having to say anything that he was worried she might be right.

* * *

 

The boy instinctively nestled closer to Maul’s chest as he was carried through the dark streets.  Maul had kept him asleep using the Force.  It was easy.  He’d never manipulated the mind of a child so young before, but he suspected the boy’s age and his defenseless state had made it easier to influence him.  He hadn’t even stirred as Maul had lifted him from his bed.  He would have to be taught not to lower his defenses in his sleep.

This hadn’t been an impulse decision.  For weeks, he’d planned carefully.  He’d left Lothal to make sure the location he planned to hide the boy was still secure, then returned and watched the family for days, calculating when would be the perfect time to strike.  From the moment he first laid eyes on the boy, he knew the child was meant to be _his._   It was as if the Force had finally revealed a small shred of the answers he’d been looking for for years.  This boy had a great destiny ahead of him, and Maul was meant to be a part of it.  This boy was meant to be his apprentice, the heir to his power.

As they reached the outskirts of the city, the boy shifted slightly in Maul’s arms, but didn’t wake up.  He had no idea that he wasn’t still in his bed in his now-former home.  When they reached the _Nightbrother_ , Maul set the boy down on the floor of the ship.  As he was about to begin the startup and launch sequences, Maul’s hand froze over the controls for a moment as he glanced back over his shoulder.  For a brief moment, doubt crept into his mind.  He remembered Talzin telling him how he’d been stolen from her as a child.  He remembered the pain of realizing that he’d meant nothing to his master.  He remembered…

Maul viciously shoved those thoughts away.  He was not Sidious.  This boy was not his tool to be used and discarded when he’d served his purpose.  This boy was his apprentice.  He would teach the boy everything he knew, care for him the way Sidious never had for him, and one day they would destroy the Sith and their Empire.  It would take time before the boy was ready, but Maul had waited years for his chance at revenge.  A few more wouldn’t make a difference.

As the ship left Lothali space, Maul pulled away the mental suggestion that kept the boy asleep.  For a moment, nothing changed, but the child’s still-closed eyes twitched slightly as he sensed his unfamiliar environment.  His eyes opened and grew wide as he sat up, frantically looking around the small ship.  Maul could sense his fear building up inside him as he processed what he saw and quickly overtaking him.

“Mama!” the boy shouted, tears forming in his eyes.  Maul just waited.  It wouldn’t take him long to realize his parents weren’t there.

Maul felt the shift in the boy’s mind as he came to that conclusion.  His breathing grew fast and shallow as tears ran down his cheeks.

Finally, Maul decided it was time to end this.  As he approached, the boy shrank back against the wall, his crying growing louder as Maul drew closer.  Maul crouched down in front of the child and struck him across the face.  He barely remembered being this boy’s age, but he did remember that pain had always forced him to control his own tears before crying had been trained out of him.  The boy yelped and pressed himself back against the wall, still sobbing.

“Quiet,” Maul growled.  The boy’s cries only grew louder.  Maul raised his hand again, letting the warning linger for a second before striking the boy again.  The child let out another cry of pain and cowered against the wall.  Tears still streamed down his face, but he forced his cries to quiet a little.

* * *

 

Ezra pulled his knees up against his chest, making himself as small as possible and cowering away from the man who’d hit him.  He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, trying to hold back his tears, knowing that was what the man wanted, but it didn’t work.

“Where am I?” he asked, his words coming out in between sharp gasps.  He was crying to hard it felt like he couldn’t breathe, like something was squeezing his chest.  “Where’s my mom and dad?”

“Your parents aren’t here,” the stranger said.  Ezra shuddered at the sound of his voice.  “And you will never see them again.”

“What did you do to them?” Ezra shouted.

“Their fate is not your concern anymore,” the man said.

“If you hurt them, I’ll --”

“What exactly will you do?” the man asked.  Even without standing up, he towered over Ezra, reminding Ezra that there was nothing he _could_ do.  He was trapped alone with someone who had no problem hurting him and he didn’t know where his parents were or what had happened to them.

Ezra began sobbing again, burying his face in his hands.

“Look at me,” the man said.  When Ezra didn’t obey, the man grabbed Ezra’s chin, forcing him to look up.  Ezra tried to pull away, but the man only tightened his grip.

“What’s your name?” the man asked.  Ezra remained silent.

“When I ask you a question, you _will_ answer it,” the man said, a threat clear in his voice.  “What is your name?”

“Ezra.”

“Ezra,” the man said, “your parents are gone.  Your old life is over.  The sooner you accept that, the easier this will be for you.”

Ezra shrank back as the man released him, trying to make himself even smaller.

“Please let me go,” he said, his voice trembling.  “I won't tell anyone anything.  Just let me go!”

“I can’t do that,” the stranger said, his voice calm, as if what he was saying was supposed to make perfect sense.

“I want my mom and dad,” Ezra said.  “Please --”

His words were cut off as he was once again hit across the face.  He let out a yelp of pain and fear and pressed himself even harder against the wall, as if he could pass right through it if he tried hard enough.

“You are never to speak of your parents again,” the stranger said coldly.  “You no longer belong to them.  Do you understand?”

“No!” Ezra shouted, slamming one small fist against the floor.  “I _don’t_ understand!  I just want to go home!”

Ezra cried out as the stranger grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet.

“That place is not your home,” the man said.  “You will never return there.  You will never see your parents again and what happens to them doesn’t matter to you anymore.  If you speak about them again, there will be consequences.  Do you understand me?”

He punctuated the question by tightening his grip on Ezra’s arm, startling a small whimper from him.

“Yes,” Ezra said quietly.

“The right answer is “yes, _Master,_ ”” the man said, his voice harsh.

“Yes, Master,” Ezra repeated.  He didn’t understand what was happening, but if he just said what the man told him to say, he might not get hurt.

“Now are you going to stay quiet?” the man asked.

Ezra nodded.  The stranger released him and Ezra sank back to the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest and his hands held over his mouth and nose to muffle the sound of his tears.  He wanted to ask the man what was going to happen to him, but his fear of being hurt again kept him from speaking.

The stranger left Ezra alone, only once shooting him a warning look when his crying grew too loud.  Ezra quickly fought to quiet down again, terrified of what would happen if he didn’t.

Ezra bit down on the back of his hand to muffle the sound of his crying.  He shook as he huddled against the wall, his fear drowning out any chance of thinking of a way to escape or get the man to let him go.  All he could think about was the fact that he was alone, his parents were gone, and he something terrible was going to happen to him.

* * *

 

Orsis was far from Lothal, and traveling there would take hours in hyperspace, but after the massacre at the academy years ago, that sector of the planet was deserted.  There, Maul knew he would be able to keep the boy contained and they would go unnoticed by the Empire.

The sound of the boy’s crying was like something scratching at Maul’s mind.  His fear filled the ship, turning the air to ice.  It briefly crossed Maul’s mind that waking him so soon had been a mistake, but there was nothing to be done about it now.  Still, hearing the boy’s -- _Ezra’s_ \-- tears caused a surge of disgust mixed with something dangerously close to sympathy.  He tried his best to push that feeling away.  Feeling sorry for Ezra wouldn’t do the boy any favors.

For a moment, he considered rendering Ezra unconscious again, but the sooner he got the initial grief out of his system, the better.  One day, he would understand why he had to be taken from his parents.  And one day, he wouldn’t even remember he had been.

* * *

 

Ezra’s breath hitched in his throat as something about the ship seemed to shift.  With a hissing sound, a hatch near the back of the ship began to open and a ramp lowered itself to the ground.  Ezra shrank back against the wall as the man approached him, but didn’t resist as he was pulled to his feet.

“Where are we?” he asked.

“If you behave, I might tell you one day,” the man said.  He led Ezra toward the ship’s hatch.  As they stepped onto the ramp, Ezra saw that they were close to a forest.  Fixing his gaze on the tree line, he began to run.

He was stopped short after just a few steps by the man’s hand closing around the back of his shirt and dragging him backward.

“Help!” Ezra screamed, trying to pull himself free.

The man’s hand moved from Ezra’s back to his head, gripping his hair and forcing Ezra to look up at him.  His other hand came down over Ezra’s mouth, muffling his cries.

“This place is deserted,” he said.  “You can scream all you like, but no one will hear you.  Now, are you going to be good and come with me without putting up a fight, or do you want to make this difficult for both of us?”

“Let me go!” Ezra cried as the man pulled his hand away to let him speak.

Without another word, the man lifted Ezra up, throwing him over his shoulder.  Ezra kicked and hit and screamed as he was carried away from the ship and toward a building.  The closer they got to it, the harder Ezra fought.  There was something wrong with this place.  Something cold and dark that scared him almost as much as the man who’d kidnapped him did.  That cold grew stronger, sinking into Ezra’s skin as he was carried inside and the door sealed behind them.

The man brought Ezra down a dark hallway, ignoring Ezra’s tears and screams.  He finally set Ezra down once they were inside a lift, though he kept a tight, painful grip on Ezra’s wrist.

“Let go!” Ezra shouted, trying to pull away.

Seconds later, the lift door opened again and the man tried to lead Ezra out.  With his free hand, Ezra grabbed the edge of the door, but it did him no good.  With one sharp tug, he was pulled forward, stumbling into another dark corridor.  The man led Ezra down the hall, stopping outside a door.  He opened the door and pushed Ezra through it.  Ezra stumbled and fell to the ground.  By the time he got to his feet, the door had been shut behind him.

Ezra raced to the door, running his hands along it and the wall beside it, reaching up as high as he could, trying to find a switch or a handle or a button or _something_ that would open the door.  But there was nothing.  He was trapped and there was no way for him to open the door from inside the room.

“Let me out!” he screamed, pounding his fist against the door.  “Please let me out!”

Ezra screamed and slammed his hands against the door until he fell to the ground, exhausted.  He buried his face in his hands, sobbing.  He wanted to open his eyes and be back home, waking up and realizing this was a bad dream.  He wanted to walk down the hall to his parents’ room and crawl into bed with them, where they’d hold him and tell him everything was okay.

But that wouldn’t happen.  As much as Ezra wanted this to be a dream, he knew it was real.  He was really trapped here, wherever _here_ was, not knowing what was going to happen to him.  The man had told him he’d never see his parents again, and with each passing second, Ezra believed him more and more.

* * *

 

The room Maul had locked Ezra in had been used to train students to withstand long periods of isolation.  It was the perfect place to keep him contained until he lost his will to escape.  As Maul walked away from the cell, the boy’s screams faded into the distance.  It would take time to train this out of him.

When Maul reached the facility’s main control room, he checked the cameras he knew were placed inside the isolation rooms.  Ezra was still pounding at the door and shouting, only to sink to the ground a moment later, sobbing.

That disturbing, sympathetic feeling threaded its way to the surface of Maul’s mind again.  He knew now that he had been taken from Dathomir against his will and his mother’s, and he wondered if he had cried and begged to go home and tried to run.  If he did, he had no memory of it.  He doubted Sidious would have been as gentle with him as he was being with Ezra.

He _would_ do better than Sidious.  The thought had solidified in Maul’s mind the moment he’d decided he would take Ezra as his apprentice.  Ezra would be cared for here.  Not loved.  Love was a weakness that Maul wouldn’t allow himself or the boy to fall victim to.  But he would not be expendable as Maul had been.  He wouldn’t suffer any more than was necessary.  He would not be discarded and abandoned once he’d served some purpose for his master.  He wouldn’t be enslaved as Maul had been.

As Maul watched, Ezra stumbled to the mat in the corner of the room and curled up on his side, shaking.  Maul turned away from the screen.  Soon enough, the boy would accept that his tears wouldn’t get him out of this.  For now, he knew Ezra would likely cry himself to sleep that night.  Maul would allow it, just this once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know this is a bleak first chapter, and I'm sorry, but it'll get less terrible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse

When Ezra opened his eyes, they were aching and stinging, and he didn’t remember why.  Something didn’t feel right.  There was something important…

Then it all came flooding back to him.  Waking up on the ship.  The stranger with horns and black tattoos towering over him.  Being thrown into this room and finding no way to escape it.

Ezra hugged his arms around himself as fresh tears welled up in his eyes.  He couldn’t stop shivering.  It wasn’t the air that was cold; it was something deeper about this place.  Like something cold and heavy and _alive_ was pressing down on him, trying to crush him into dust.

He lay there, curled up on his side, staring at the blank wall beside him as he cried and shivered under the weight of that heavy, bone-deep cold.  He just wanted to go home.  He wanted his parents.  He wanted to know what was happening and why.

Ezra’s whole body shook as a loud, heavy sob escaped his throat.  He was never going to see his parents again.  He was never going home.  He might never even leave this dark, cold room again unless he found a way to escape.  But he couldn’t open the door and there were no windows.  He was stuck here unless his kidnapper decided to let him out.

As the door opened, Ezra gasped and sat up, dragging himself back into the farthest corner of the bed and pulling his knees up to his chest.  The air in the room felt even colder now as the man who’d kidnapped him stepped through the door.

“S--stay away!” Ezra said, his voice shaking.

Ezra shrank back into his corner as the man drew closer.  His breath came in short, sharp, terrified gasps as tears ran down his cheeks.  The man stopped near the edge of the bed and held something out to Ezra.  Ezra, still shaking uncontrollably, made no move to take it.

The man gave a frustrated sigh and leaned down, shoving the object into Ezra’s hand.  Ezra looked down to see it was a ration bar, then looked back up at the man, suddenly more confused than anything else.

“You need to eat something,” the man said.  His voice sounded…normal.  Not shouting or threatening or trying to scare Ezra.  But that didn’t mean Ezra didn’t remember the night before, when the man had hit him and told him to be quiet and not talk about his parents.

Ezra’s confusion gave way to anger as memories of the previous night clawed their way to the surface of his mind.  He dropped the ration bar onto the mat beside him and hugged his knees tighter against his chest.

“Ezra --”

“No!” Ezra shouted, putting his hands over his ears and squeezing his eyes shut.  “I want to go home!”

A hand closed around Ezra’s wrist and he let out a startled yelp as he was dragged to his feet, off the bed so he was standing on the cold metal floor.

“Let go!” he yelled as he tried to pull himself out of the man’s grip.  With his free hand, he scratched the man’s wrist, his small fingernails doing no damage at all.

Ezra cried out as the man slapped his face.  His crying grew stronger until he was practically choking on his tears, his vision blurred and distorted.  Ezra lunged forward, sinking his teeth into the man’s arm.  The man pulled away with an angry and frustrated growl and hit Ezra again, hard enough that he was knocked to the ground.

A terrified whimper rose in the back of Ezra’s throat as the man crouched down in front of him and gripped Ezra’s shoulders.

“Stop!” Ezra cried.  His face stung and ached where he’d been hit and he was terrified of what the man would do next and he just wanted it to _stop_.  “Please!”

“Ezra,” the man growled.  “You are not going back to that place.  This _is_ your home now.”

“No!” Ezra shouted, struggling to break out of his grip.  The man’s hands only tightened around his shoulders.

“Ezra,” he snapped.  “Stop this, _now._ ”

The way he said it made Ezra feel like something freezing cold had been stuck through his heart.  He stopped struggling to break free and clenched his jaw, hoping he could at least make it _look_ like he was crying less.

“That’s better,” the man said, his voice calmer and no longer holding a clear threat.

“Please,” Ezra said, his voice shaking.  “Just let me go home.  I won't say anything.  I promise.”

The stranger tilted Ezra’s chin up, forcing him to look into those eyes that burned bright yellow and felt like they were staring right through him and into his head.

“I can't do that,” he said.  “You belong here, Ezra.  In time, I know you’ll see that.”

Ezra pulled his face away from the man’s touch, a fresh wave of tears welling up in his eyes.

“I want my mom and dad,” he said, the words coming out before he could stop them.  He just wanted to be back at home with his parents, and as terrified as he was of getting hurt again, he couldn’t stop his desperation and fear from bursting out of him.

Ezra yelped as the man’s grip tightened on his shoulder.  More spikes of fear shot through him as he tensed up, bracing himself for a blow.

“I told you, you are never to speak of them again,” he said, his voice cold.  “You don’t belong to them.  You are not their son anymore and your home is not with them.”

Ezra’s fear quickly gave way to anger.  It wasn’t true.  He _was_ Ephraim and Mira Bridger’s son and he belonged at home with them, not locked up in a room with the person who’d stolen him from them.  Nothing the man was saying made any sense.

“Yes I am!” Ezra said.  “They’re my parents and I’m their son and I belong with them, _not you_!”

The man’s free hand closed around Ezra’s throat, barely applying pressure, but it was more than enough to terrify Ezra into silence.  He scratched at the hand around his neck, but it had no effect.  His eyes grew wide with fear as he stared up at his kidnapper, wondering if this was it, and he was about to die.

“Listen to me, Ezra,” the man said.  “That part of your life is over.  Your parents are _gone_ and you will never see them again.  You don’t belong there.  You belong _here_.”

He pulled his hand away from Ezra’s throat and Ezra felt a few more burning hot tears slide down his cheeks.  He instinctively drew in a sharp gasp of air, even though he’d still been able to breathe.

“I want you to say that for me,” the man said.  It was all Ezra could do not to shudder.  He sounded too much like when Mom and Dad told him to repeat things like _I’m okay, I’m safe_ when he thought he saw something in the shadows in his room at night.

“No,” Ezra said, glaring up at him.  He did _not_ belong here and he wouldn’t say it, no matter how scared he was.

The man raised his hand, clearly about to strike, and Ezra’s resolve cracked.

“I belong here,” he said quickly, flinching back away from the hand about to hit him and squeezing his eyes shut as he braced himself.  “I belong here.”

Ezra flinched, a small whimper escaping his throat as he felt the hand come down gently on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly in a gesture that was almost affectionate and made Ezra want to scream.

“Don’t forget that,” the man said.

He released Ezra and stood up.  Ezra stayed where he was, shrinking back against the wall, as he watched the man cross the room to the door and leave.  Ezra stared after him for a moment.  The door had opened for him, but Ezra hadn’t seen him do anything to open it.  Slowly, Ezra made his way across the room and examined the door with narrowed eyes.  He pushed at it, tried to pry it to the side, felt as high as he could reach for a switch, but just like the previous night, he could find no way to open the door and escape.

Ezra stepped back from the door, hugging his arms around himself.  He felt a tightness in his throat and chest and a dull ache behind his eyes, like he was about to start crying again, but he was almost too tired to do it.  He made his way back to the mat he’d slept on and huddled in the corner, his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms around him as he rocked back and forth, his eyes wide and staring blankly ahead of him.

He was stuck here with no way out.  The man who’d taken him had said he belonged here, and Ezra had no idea what that meant.  He had no idea what _any_ of it meant.  He’d said Ezra wasn’t his parents’ son anymore.  Did that mean his parents had _let_ the man take him away?  That they didn’t want him anymore?

Ezra chewed nervously on his fingers.  That couldn’t be true.  Mom and Dad loved him and they wouldn’t get rid of him.  So what did it mean?  Why was he here?  What was the kidnapper going to do with him?  He’d said that this place was Ezra’s home now, and that didn’t make any sense.

As Ezra hugged his knees tighter against his chest, he felt and heard his stomach growl.  He glanced down at the ration bar still lying where he’d left it.  He gritted his teeth and shook his head.  He wasn’t eating it.  He wasn’t doing _anything_ the man told him to do.

But now that he’d thought about it, he couldn’t stop, and with each minute that passed, that growling pain in his stomach grew worse.  He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep or when he’d last eaten.  Ezra stared down at the ration bar, glaring at it as if it was the cause of everything that was happening, before he finally snatched it into his hand and bit into it.

Fresh tears welled up in Ezra’s eyes and he wasn’t even sure what had caused them this time.  He stared at the ration bar in his hand and made himself take another bite even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.  He was now realizing he didn’t know when or if he’d be given food again.

At that realization, Ezra shuddered, breathing in sharply.  He coughed as crumbs of the ration bar stuck in the back of his throat.  His eyes stung with tears as he kept coughing, his whole body shaking with the force of it.

His eyes landed on the toilet and sink on the other side of the room.  He stumbled to his feet and ran toward them.  He had to grip the edge of the sink and pull himself up, half climbing it, to scoop a handful of water into his mouth.  He dropped back to the floor, sighing in relief as he finally stopped coughing and could really breathe again.

Ezra’s eyes narrowed, glaring at his hands that were still clutched tightly on the sink’s edge.  He took a step back, crossing his arms and gritting his teeth again.  He didn’t _want_ to be finding ways to survive in this room.  He wanted to be finding a way out.

He shifted his furious gaze to the door.  That blasted door that just wouldn’t open for him no matter how hard he tried.  He growled in frustration and kicked his heel against the wall behind him.  He _couldn’t_ get out.  He couldn’t open the door and there were no windows to climb through.  His kidnapper had told him there was no one around to hear him if he screamed for help.  The only thing he could do was wait for someone to come for him.

Ezra retreated back to the bed and curled up on his side.  He stared blankly into the space in front of him for a moment before he slammed his fist into the mat.  He didn’t know if anyone _would_ come looking for him.  He didn’t know what had happened to his parents.

Ezra felt that stinging in his eyes again as the thought formed in his mind.  His parents could be dead or in danger.  The man had seemed so certain when he’d told Ezra he’d never see them again.  He had to know something Ezra didn’t.

As Ezra lay there, curled in a tight ball in a dark, cold room on an unknown planet, he knew he might be completely alone in this.  If he was going to escape, he’d have to find a way himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, things will get a little less terrible soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse; restraint of a child

Ezra sat on the floor, his back against the wall and his knees hugged against his chest.  He stared down at the floor in front of him, forcing himself not to look at the door, trying not to make it seem like he was waiting for it to open.  By now, he thought he’d been stuck in this room for a little over a week, though he had no way of knowing completely for sure.  In that week or so, he’d seen the man who’d taken him, who he’d learned was called Maul, several times.  Sometimes he came into the room to feed Ezra.  Sometimes he came in when Ezra cried too much and he decided it was time to make him stop.  When he did, the door would be open for just a few seconds.

It wouldn’t be the first time he’d tried to run, and by now Maul would probably expect him to try again, but if Ezra ran fast enough, maybe he could make it this time.  He just had to get to that lift they’d taken to get down here and shut the door between him and Maul and he could get away.

Ezra didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there before the door finally slid open.  Ezra jumped to his feet and ran, only for Maul to grab him, lifting him off the ground and holding Ezra against his chest, his arms pinned at his sides.  Ezra kicked and squirmed, trying to break free, but Maul’s grip didn’t waver.  Ezra’s struggles weren’t a problem for him.  They hardly qualified as an annoyance.  But Ezra still kept fighting desperately, even though Maul had him pinned so tightly he could barely move.

“Do I have to restrain you?” Maul asked, his voice low and threatening in Ezra’s ear.

Ezra froze immediately, his struggles stopping like a switch had been flipped, his eyes going wide with fear.  Of all the punishments he’d received since he’d been brought to this place, that was the worst of them.  At this point, Maul rarely had to do it.  Just the mention of it was enough to force Ezra into compliance.

“Good boy,” Maul said as he felt the end of Ezra’s attempts to break free.

He released Ezra, letting him drop to the ground.  Ezra backed away from him, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.  He closed his eyes, squeezing them tightly shut, trying to stop the tears from falling, knowing that crying would only get him hurt.  But his sheer terror at Maul’s threat still had a hold over him and he couldn’t stop himself from crying in time to avoid the pain that burst across his face as Maul struck him.

“I’m sorry!” Ezra gasped, taking another step back.  “I’m trying!”

He cried out as he was hit again.  He raised his hands to shield himself, only for Maul to grab both his wrists in one hand, his grip tight enough to form fresh bruises over others that had just barely begun to heal.

As Maul crouched down in front of him, Ezra only grew more terrified, knowing that he was about to be punished in a much worse way than just being hit.  His fear only made it harder for him to stop crying.

“It’s time for this to stop, Ezra,” Maul said.  “You cannot escape from this place.  You are never going back to your parents, and no amount of crying or begging will change that.  You need to accept that.”

“Why am I here?” Ezra shouted.  Pain shot through his wrists as he struggled against his captor’s grip with no results.  “Why did you take me?”

“You will understand one day,” Maul said.  “But _this_ is not going to help you.”

Ezra’s breath came in sharp gasps as tears kept streaming down his face.  Maul grabbed Ezra’s chin with his free hand, forcing Ezra to look into his terrifying yellow eyes.

“I gave you a warning, Ezra,” Maul said, his voice cold.

“No!” Ezra cried, fighting against Maul’s grip even harder even though he knew it wouldn’t do him any good.  Maul was much bigger than him and much stronger and Ezra knew there was nothing he could do to stop anything Maul did to him.  But he tried anyway, not knowing why, even though he knew it would only make things worse.

Maul released Ezra before forcing him to turn around and wrenching his arms back behind him.  Ezra’s heart pounded faster as he felt something closing tightly around his wrists.

“I’m trying!” Ezra said, his voice shaking with fear.  “Please don’t!  I’m _trying_!”

Maul didn’t say a word as he forced Ezra to his knees and secured the second set of binders around Ezra’s ankles, the two pairs locking together so closely that Ezra could hardly move.  As Ezra pulled at his restraints, knowing it was useless, Maul stood up and stared down at him for a moment with narrowed eyes.  Ezra shrank back under his gaze, unsure whether or not to expect a blow.

Maul abruptly turned away and left the room.  Seconds later, the lights were switched off and Ezra let out a startled, terrified cry as he was plunged into complete darkness.

Ezra screamed and wrenched at the binders.  Their edges bit into his skin as he struggled.  He held his breath, trying to stop himself from crying.  If he stopped, Maul might come back and let him out.  It worked for only a few seconds before Ezra’s fear and the pain already setting into his shoulders and wrists overcame him and he started sobbing again.

The door opened again and Ezra ducked his head, shaking in terror as Maul approached him.  Maul knelt down beside him and pulled up the sleeve of the rough black shirt he’d given Ezra to wear.  Seconds later, Ezra felt something else lock around his arm.  He froze up and clenched his jaw, trying not to even breathe too loudly.  He knew exactly what it was.  It was a metal cuff with a sound sensor inside it.  If it picked up the sound of him crying, it would shock him.  It was a small shock, and felt more like a pinch than anything else, but by know Ezra knew just how much it hurt.

As Maul stood, Ezra stared up at him, silently pleading with him, but not daring to say a word in case he cried as he spoke.  Maul ignored the look Ezra was giving him and left the room again.

Ezra felt his jaw trembling as he tried to hold back more terrified sobbing.  But as hard as he fought to hold it back, a quiet wailing sound rose in the back of his throat, his breath hitched and…

Ezra yelped as the shock bit into his arm.  It hurt so much and happened so fast that his tears started flowing freely again, which only caused another shock, quickly followed by another.  Maul had done this to him enough times already that Ezra knew if he kept crying, it would keep giving him those small, pinching shocks at random until he just ran out of tears.

_Stop,_ he thought to himself.  _You have to stop or he’ll just hurt you again._

Part of him didn’t care.  He just wanted to go home.  He wanted Mom and Dad to hold him and tell him he was safe now, it was over, they’d never let anything happen to him again.  And he knew the more he thought about that, the more he let himself want that, then the more he cried, and the more he got hurt.

Ezra bit down on the inside of his lip, trying to force his thoughts of his parents away.  If he stopped crying, he’d be let out of the restraints.  If he stopped crying and fighting altogether, maybe Maul would even let him out of this room.  Ezra knew he couldn’t escape from the room, but if he was let out, he might find a chance to run.

Ezra made himself take a deep breath, just like Mom used to tell --

_No thinking about Mom,_ he reminded himself.

He took another breath, and another, trying to calm himself down.  It took a long time, how long, Ezra had no way of knowing, but finally his tears stopped and stayed gone.  Ezra sat there, quiet and still, waiting.  Somehow, Maul always knew when Ezra was crying or not.  By now Ezra was sure Maul had some way of watching him even when he wasn’t in the room.

At long last, the door opened.  Maul knelt down beside Ezra and removed the binders and the device that had been shocking him.  Ezra’s wrists ached as he moved his hands again.  They hurt so bad, he --

_Don’t cry_ , he told himself.

Maul took Ezra’s hands and looked at his wrists, examining the small cuts Ezra had gotten as he struggled against the restraints.

“These should heal on their own,” Maul said, releasing Ezra’s hands.

Ezra said nothing as he pulled his hands back toward himself, his arms wrapping around his chest.  He backed up against the wall behind him, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor.  He was still shaking uncontrollably as he backed himself into the corner.

“I’m trying,” he said quietly, the words slipping out involuntarily.  He _was_ trying.  He was trying so hard not to get hurt but it just kept happening.

Maul’s hand rested on Ezra’s shoulder and Ezra tensed up, waiting for a blow or a threat.  But the pain he expected didn’t come.

“I know,” Maul said.  With that, he pulled his hand away from Ezra’s shoulder and left the room, leaving Ezra staring after him, now more confused than ever.

* * *

 

By the time Maul returned, Ezra had moved from the corner he’d been left in to the bed, where he sat against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest.  When the door opened, he looked up, but didn’t move.

“You aren’t trying to run,” Maul said.

“No,” Ezra said.  Then he remembered.  “No, Master.”

“Why is that?” Maul asked as he approached.

“There’s no point,” Ezra said, his voice flat and empty.  “You’d just stop me.”

“That’s true,” Maul said.  “At least you’ve finally learned that.”

He stopped at the edge of the bed and held out a ration bar.  Ezra leaned forward slowly and took it.

“Thank you,” he mumbled.  He bit into the ration bar and forced himself to swallow past the lump in his throat.  He’d long since given up on trying to refuse to eat, not seeing the point in it.  He stared down at the rest of the ration bar in his hands for a moment before looking up at Maul.

“Are you going to kill me?” he asked.

“If I was going to do that, I would have already,” Maul said.

Maul crouched down so he was at Ezra’s eye level and Ezra shrank back, not knowing what to expect.

“I am not going to kill you,” he said.  “And I won't harm you any more than I have to.  As long as you behave, you will be safe with me.”

Ezra wanted to shout that he wasn’t safe, that the only thing that had happened since he’d been brought to this place was him being hurt, but he didn’t dare to do it.  Saying that would only get him in more trouble.  If he wanted to get out of this room, he had to be good.

“Then what are you going to do with me?” he asked.

“I am going to help you, Ezra,” Maul said, his voice gentle.  “I know you don’t understand now, but you will one day.  Until then, you need to stop fighting me.  I need you to trust me.”

“Yes, Master,” Ezra said.  The words were bitter in his throat, but he forced them out anyway.  He had to.  It was the only way he’d ever make it out of this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse; sensory overload
> 
> Takes place two years after the last chapter.

Ezra slowly paced the length of the small room.  There wasn’t much else to do other than sit quietly, which he hated doing.  There wasn’t even a window in the room, so Ezra had nothing to look at other than the cold metal walls.  He didn’t even know what the planet they were on looked like, or if it even _was_ a planet at all.  If he’d ever been outside, he couldn’t remember it.

Pacing was one of the few ways Ezra had figured out to relieve his boredom when he was left alone in the room.  His master encouraged him, and sometimes ordered him, to sit quietly and not move, no matter how boring it was.  He said it was a skill Ezra would find useful one day, being able to sit perfectly still and remain unnoticed for long periods of time.  But Ezra hadn’t been ordered to do that now, and so he paced as he waited to see if his master would be coming for him.  Some days he didn’t and Ezra remained shut in his room all day.

Ezra soon grew tired of pacing and sat down on the edge of his bed, sighing heavily out of boredom and frustration.  Only a moment later, the door slid open and Ezra jumped to his feet again.  His master stood in the doorway.

“Come with me,” he said.

Ezra followed him down the hallway, trying not to let himself feel nervous as he wondered what they would be doing that day.  It wasn’t unusual for him to walk away from training with bruises and cuts, even when he knew his master was going easy on him.

Ezra remained silent as they reached the end of the corridor and his master led him into the wide room where they trained together.  As Ezra faced his master, the man reached down to pick up a heavy-looking staff.  Ezra shifted nervously where he stood, fiddling with the end of his sleeve.  Lessons where Maul had a weapon in his hand always hurt.

“I am going to try to strike you with this,” Maul said.  “All you need to do is dodge my attacks.  If I hit you three times, it means you’ve failed the test.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master,” Ezra said with a nod.  He understood perfectly well that failure meant even more pain than the test itself would bring him.

Maul brought the staff up, swinging it from the side.  Ezra took a quick, stumbling step backwards, taking him just out of reach of the blow.  He knew in his gut that his master wasn’t pleased with the sloppy, awkward way he’d dodged the attack.  Ezra gritted his teeth.  He could do better than that.  He _knew_ he could, and he should have seen the immediate attack coming.

The staff quickly changed direction, slamming into the side of Ezra’s stomach before he could get out of the way.  That was one hit.  Two more and he failed.

The staff came down from above this time, at an angle that would have hit Ezra’s shoulder.  Ezra dropped to the ground and rolled out of the way.  Before he could get to his feet again, the end of the staff came down heavily on his spine.  Ezra gasped in pain as the end dug into his back, between the bones in his spine.

“Every second you keep your back turned to an opponent is another chance for them to kill you,” Maul said, digging the end of the staff in deeper to drive home the point.

Ezra felt the pressure lift off his back and he rolled away, jumping to his feet just as the staff struck the floor where he’d been pinned.  Ezra narrowed his eyes, watching carefully for any sign of which direction the next attack would come from.

Maul moved so fast Ezra could barely track his movement.  The staff was slashing through the air in a downward arc and Ezra knew he wouldn’t get out of the way fast enough.  He threw his hand out to shield himself, squeezing his eyes shut as he braced himself for the sharp, heavy blow he knew was about to land on his arm.  But it never came.  Ezra hesitantly opened his eyes to see that the staff had stopped inches away from making contact.  Ezra stared at it for a moment and slowly shifted his gaze to his master.  A small smile appeared on Maul’s face, sending a spike of anxiety through Ezra’s mind.

Ezra took an uneasy step back as his master lowered the staff and set it down on the ground.  Could this be a trick, meant to get Ezra to drop his guard so he’d be unprepared for another attack?

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked.

“No,” Maul said.  He knelt down, putting himself at Ezra’s eye level, and gently rested a hand on his shoulder.  “You did exactly what I hoped you would do.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sit down, Ezra,” Maul said.  Ezra immediately dropped to the floor, his legs crossed beneath him.

“There’s something you need to know,” Maul said.

Ezra didn’t say anything, knowing it was better to just let his master speak.  Interrupting wouldn’t make him tell Ezra anything any faster, and Ezra still had the bruise just under his right eye from the last time Maul thought he’d been talking back.

“When you shielded yourself, did you realize what you were doing?” Maul asked.

“I didn’t do anything,” Ezra said.

“You did,” Maul told him.  “It’s time I told you about the Force.”

Ezra tilted his head to the side quizzically.

“The Force,” Maul said in response to Ezra’s unasked question, “is an energy field that runs through everything in the galaxy.  There are some who can tap into its power and use it to manipulate their surroundings.”

“Like you,” Ezra said.  His master’s abilities had never been a secret to him.  He’d always been able to tell what Ezra was feeling, and sometimes even what he was thinking.  And he knew all too well that Maul could move things without touching them.  He’d just never known exactly how, thinking that it was something unique to his master or maybe to his species.

As Ezra thought over what Maul had said, his eyes flitted to the staff that still lay on the ground, and he realized…

“Like me?” he asked.

“Exactly,” Maul said, smiling slightly as Ezra figured it out.  “You are strong with the Force, Ezra, and that is why you are here.  So I can train you as my apprentice and teach you to use your abilities.”

“Why?” Ezra asked.

“What is a master without a student to pass their knowledge to?” Maul replied.  Ezra got the sense it was one of those questions he wasn’t really supposed to answer.

“But,” he continued, “you and I have a larger purpose than simply ensuring this knowledge never dies out.”

“What?” Ezra asked.

“Years ago, I was an apprentice like you,” Maul said.  Ezra saw that familiar darkness cross his eyes, like a shadow inside his mind.  It was that shadow that Ezra saw -- or sometimes it was more like he _felt_ it -- during those moments when it seemed like his master wasn’t even there inside his own head.

“My master was a powerful Force-wielder,” Maul was saying, “and he betrayed me.  Now, he rules the Empire that controls our galaxy.  I cannot defeat him alone; no one can.  That is why I chose to train you, so one day, we can destroy him and his Empire, together.”

Ezra sat silently for a moment, taking in everything his master had said.  He desperately wanted to help his master exact his revenge on the man who’d betrayed him.  It was important to his master and so it was important to him.  He just didn’t understand why _he_ had been chosen for something so important.

“Why me?” Ezra asked, his voice quiet.  He was almost afraid of what the answer might be, though he had no idea why.

“Because I could always see that you had potential,” Maul said.  “You just need someone to help you unlock it.”

Maul reached out, gently cupping Ezra’s chin to make the boy look at him.

“I hope you understand now why I push you so hard,” he said.  “Your destiny is one you need to be prepared for if you want to survive.”

“I do understand,” Ezra said.  In truth, he had never questioned it.  His master could push him as hard as he wanted to, and it wasn’t Ezra’s place to question him.

Maul smiled as he released Ezra and Ezra felt a warm sensation flicker in his chest, just as it always did when he said or did something his master approved of.

“Now,” Maul said, “it’s time you learned something about your abilities.  Close your eyes.”

Ezra hesitated for a moment before obeying.

“You are going to tap into the Force,” Maul said.  “Reach out inside your mind.  Feel the Force surrounding you and running through you.”

“I don’t know what it feels like,” Ezra said.

“I will guide you,” Maul said, “but this will be the only time.  After today, I expect you to be able to do this yourself.”

Ezra nodded.

Everything was quiet and still for a moment, then Ezra gasped as something cold like ice burst into his mind.  He instinctively tried to pull away from it, but whatever it was, it held on like something gripping his mind tightly, refusing to let go.  It took him a moment to recognize the feeling for what it was.  It was his master.  He was somehow inside Ezra’s head, just as real as he was sitting in front of him.

As the initial shock wore off, Ezra let his master guide him.  He felt like the edges of his mind were expanding out across the room and beyond it.  He could feel living things, things he’d never seen or felt before, but that he identified from information in Maul’s mind as plants and animals that inhabited the planet.  The life inside them hummed through Ezra’s mind, pulsing through his veins. Something cold and dark echoed through his mind, closing in around him.  For a moment, Ezra was in awe.  He’d never imagined there was so _much_ in the galaxy or that he could feel so much at once.  It was…it was thrilling and it was…it was _too_ much.  It was like thousands and thousands of…not voices, but something like it, echoing in his head, drowning out his own thoughts.  With each second that he felt everything around him, it grew…louder, stronger, more painful.  He mentally curled in on himself, trying to make himself as small as possible, but that only made it worse

Ezra wrenched himself away from his master’s hold on his mind.  He was back inside his own head again.  His hands were over his ears.  He didn’t know when he’d covered them.  His eyes were squeezed tightly shut as if that would have blocked out the feelings in his head.

“Ezra.”

A hand touched Ezra’s shoulder.  He jumped and tried to pull away, but the hand tightened its grip.

“Ezra,” Maul said, his voice harsher.  His hand disappeared from Ezra’s shoulder and closed around his wrist.  He pulled Ezra’s hands away from his ears in spite of Ezra’s struggles as he tried to keep them covered.

“It’s too loud,” Ezra muttered.  Loud wasn’t the right word, but he didn’t know what the right word was.  All he knew was that there was too much of everything and he couldn’t block it out and his master’s hands on his wrists felt like ice and fire burning his skin at the same time and…

“Listen to me, Ezra,” Maul said.

Ezra tried to wrench his arms out of his master’s grip, but Maul’s hands only tightened around Ezra’s wrists.

“Let go!” Ezra cried, the words coming out before he could stop them.

Ezra gasped as Maul released one of his hands and forced Ezra to look at him.  He felt Maul enter his mind again, that dark, cold presence in his head twining around Ezra, muffling his panic, drowning out the echoes in his mind.  He still felt something buzzing under his skin like electricity, but it was quieter now, softer, and it didn’t hurt as much.

“What are you doing?” Ezra asked, finally able to think again as his mind was cleared of the noise.

“Shielding your mind,” Maul said.  “Something you need to learn to do for yourself.”

“How?” Ezra asked.

“I can show you,” Maul said, releasing his hold on Ezra, “but you need to stay calm.”

“I’m sorry,” Ezra said, an edge of panic still left in his voice.  “It’s just…it’s --”

“I know,” his master said.  “That’s why you need to learn to shield.  Close your eyes again.”

Ezra knew better than to say no, no matter how much he felt like his head was about to burst open.  He shut his eyes and tried to force himself to focus through the distraction, just like he’d been taught since…he didn’t know when.  It was so much harder than dealing with normal pain.

Following what his master showed him, Ezra slowly tried to raise a barrier around his mind.  He pictured it like a wall made of stone, enclosing his thoughts and feelings, blocking out the interference from the planet around him.  He could still feel his master, but he almost welcomed it.  At least his presence was familiar.

Ezra didn’t know how long he spent sitting as still as he could manage, building and strengthening the shield in his mind under his master’s guidance.  When he opened his eyes again, he was far more exhausted than he thought he should be and his head was still spinning from the onslaught of living things he’d felt when Maul had helped him connect to the Force.  He wrapped his arms around himself and stared down at the floor in front of him, too tired to care what Maul thought about it.

* * *

 

Ezra looked like he was about to collapse.  Constructing his shields, as weak as they were, coupled with his earlier episode when he’d first connected to the Force, had drained him.  Maul’s first instinct was to tell him they weren’t finished yet, that his shields needed more work if he ever wanted them to become even remotely useful.  It was what his master would have done, even when he was as young as Ezra.

But Ezra had only just accessed his connection to the Force for the first time.  In the two years Ezra had been under his care, Maul had forced himself to wait patiently for the boy’s abilities to reveal themselves.  He’d tried to push it initially, but the Force flatly refused to be rushed in that way.  He’d waited two years for this to happen.  Another day would hardly matter.

“You did well,” Maul said, reaching out and running a knuckle down Ezra’s cheek, drawing a small smile out of his apprentice.  “You may return to your room.”

“Thank you, Master,” Ezra said.

As he left, Maul could see the smile on his face, tired as it was.  Maul smiled, too.  The boy was so eager to please, practically begging for scraps of affection and pride.  It made him so easy to control.

* * *

 

When Ezra returned to his room, he immediately lay on his bed with the one thin blanket he was allowed pulled up over his head.  Keeping things dark or covering his ears, blocking out one sense, usually helped when things got to be too much.

Even with the shields he’d learned to put in place, there was still so much for him to feel.  It was like a door had been opened inside him and now it couldn’t be closed.  He didn’t know how he knew it couldn’t, but he did.  What he’d learned today was something he’d always have with him.  He wasn’t sure what he thought about it, not that it mattered.  His master wanted to train him in the ways of the Force, and so he would, no matter what Ezra said.

But the more he thought, Ezra realized that he _wouldn’t_ say no if he had a choice.  He’d seen what his master could do and the thought that he had that power thrilled him.  And even more than that, he knew his master wanted him to learn, and so _he_ wanted to learn.  He wanted to make his master proud, to prove he was worthy of the time he’d spent training him, to show how grateful he was by excelling at what he was taught.

Ezra held onto those thoughts, clinging to them like he clung to the blanket he had wrapped around him.  He  _would_ learn.  He  _would_ succeed.  He  _would_ fulfill the purpose his master was giving him.

It was with those thoughts held tightly and fiercely in his mind that Ezra slowly drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse (mostly emotional in this chapter, but also physical abuse in the form of pushing a kid past their limits and references to other physical abuse)

Over the next week, Ezra’s regular physical training was followed by more instruction in shielding and sensing beings and even objects through the Force.  Ezra got the sense that his master was going easy on him, slowly drawing him into learning about the Force.  Even so, the second day, the bruise under his eye was refreshed and accompanied by several new ones when he failed to do what was expected of him fast enough.

But slowly, Ezra began to grasp what Maul was trying to teach him.  After the first few tries, he found that reaching out and connecting to the world around him was easy, even if he couldn’t see any of what he felt.

“You’re progressing faster than I thought you would,” Maul told him on the eighth day since Ezra’s first use of the Force.  “Today, we’re going to do something different.  The Force has both mental and physical aspects.  What I have been teaching you are the most basic mental abilities we have.  But I think it’s time you began learning the physical aspects as well.”

Ezra said nothing, knowing he didn’t need to respond.  He began to fidget slightly where he stood, but forced himself to stop.  Some days his master didn’t mind and other days he did, and there was never any way for Ezra to know how he would react on any given day.

“Hold out your hand,” Maul said.

Ezra followed his instruction and Maul dropped something into Ezra’s palm.  Ezra studied it curiously.  It was small, round, mostly flat, a dull light gray color.

“A rock?” Ezra asked.  He knew what it was, but he’d never actually _seen_ one before.

“One of the many abilities most Force-wielders have is the power to move objects with our minds,” Maul said.  “You’ll be starting with this.”

Ezra looked at the stone in his hand.  He reached out with his mind, feeling the stone’s essence.  It wasn’t the same as the plants and animals he’d felt outside the building, but there was still something almost like life in it.  Echoes of the planet’s past buried inside it.  He pushed at the stone and thought he saw it move just a little, but he couldn’t be sure.

“When you stopped the staff from hitting you, what did you feel?” Maul asked him.

Ezra chewed lightly on the inside of his lip as he thought about it.

“I was scared,” he said.  “And I…I thought I was going to fail, so I was angry.”

“That is the source of your power,” Maul said.  “Your anger gives you strength.  You have to use it or you _will_ fail.”

Maul’s hand came down on his shoulder, his grip tight enough that Ezra instinctively squirmed and tried to pull away.

“Focus on your anger,” Maul said.  “Don’t try to fight it.  Let it fuel you.”

Ezra tried to listen to what his master told him.  He tried to think of anything that made him angry, but whatever he thought about slipped away like water in his hands.  He was safe here.  His master was teaching him and taking care of him.  There were times he was hurt or scared, but he knew there was always a reason for it.  If he really thought about it, he didn’t have much to be angry about.

“You’re thinking too much,” Maul said.  “It’s instinctive.  Just feel it.”

Ezra shut his eyes, trying to clear the thoughts out of his head, trying to find the feeling in his heart.  He remembered every time his master hit him, every time he had no idea what he’d done to deserve punishment.  He remembered the days he spent locked in his room with no contact with his master.  He remembered a distant feeling of sorrow and anger, so long ago he couldn’t remember why.

He let the anger rise up inside him, not trying to suppress it out of fear.  It sparked in his heart and raced through his veins like electricity.  He pushed it toward the rock in his hand, letting it flow through him and out of him.  As he opened his eyes, he saw the stone lift out of his hand.  It hung there, suspended in the air for a moment, as if it was hanging from a string.  After a few seconds, it fell back into his palm.

“Focus, Ezra,” Maul said, his grip on Ezra’s shoulder tightening.

“I’m trying,” Ezra said.

“Clearly, you’re not trying hard enough,” his master said, his voice carrying a clear warning.  Ezra had to try harder or there would be consequences.

Ezra stared down at the stone in his hand, focusing all his anger and his will on it.  He wanted it to move.  He _needed_ it to move.  It _would_ move.  Slowly, so slowly it was almost painful to watch, it rose out of Ezra’s hand, just an inch above his palm, before falling almost immediately.

Ezra gasped as he felt a flare of frustration that he now understood came from his master.  Maul circled around Ezra and knelt down in front of him so he could look Ezra in the eye, tightly grasping Ezra’s arm.

“Ten seconds, Ezra,” he said.  “Keep it in the air for ten seconds.”

Ezra quickly focused his attention on the stone again.  Yet again, it slowly rose from his hand.

_One._

Ezra’s eyes stayed fixed on it as he desperately tried to keep it from falling.

_Two._

Ezra felt like something heavy had been dropped inside his mind.

_Three._

His hands were shaking as he fought to keep the stone in the air.

_Four._

Ezra’s eyes snapped shut, his face twisting like he was in pain as he struggled to stop the rock from falling.

_Five._

Halfway.  Five was halfway to ten.  Almost…

_Six--_

The stone felt so much heavier than it really was as it tumbled back into his hand.

“Try again,” Maul said, his voice flat and emotionless.

Ezra stared down at the stone again.  He wanted to get this right.  He needed to.  As the stone lifted out of his hand yet again, he shut his eyes and counted.

_One.  Two.  Three._   He felt the stone begin to drop again and grabbed hold of it with his mind, refusing to let it fall again.  _Four.  Five.  Six.  Seven._   He held onto that anger that his master had told him to find, drawing strength from it.  _Eight.  Nine.  Ten._

As Ezra let the stone drop back into his hand, he tried to control its fall, to show his master he could do it.  As the stone settled back into his palm gently, Ezra looked at Maul with a small smile on his face.  That smile vanished when his master’s expression remained unchanged.

“Again,” Maul said as he released Ezra and stood up.  “Twenty seconds this time.”

Ezra nodded and focused on the stone again.  He’d get it right without any trouble this time.  He had to.  He’d prove to his master that he could do this.

The stone rose up from Ezra’s hand only to immediately fall again.  Ezra let out a quiet, nervous hum as he felt his master’s disappointment in him.  He didn’t wait for even a moment before honing his focus in on the stone again, forcing it into the air and willing it to stay there.  He _needed_ it to stay there and not fall.

Ezra’s eyes narrowed as he stared at the small rock floating just inches above his palm.  He was almost there, almost at twenty seconds.  He could do this.  He _had to_ do this.

When twenty seconds had passed, Ezra carefully lowered the stone back into his hand.

“Thirty seconds.”

Ezra felt a flare of bitter frustration and simply directed it toward the stone, lifting it higher than he had last time.  He only managed to hold it up for ten seconds before it fell again, bouncing off his hand and falling to the floor.

“You can do better than that, Ezra,” Maul said.  A coil of fear threaded its way through Ezra as his master began to pace in front of him.

“I know, Master,” Ezra said.  “It’s…it’s heavy.”

It didn’t make sense.  It was just a small rock, but it felt so much heavier in his mind than it did in his hand.

“Your mind is stronger than any object,” Maul said.  “It’s not subject to the physical limitations of your body.  Whether an object is heavy or not is irrelevant to whether you can affect it.  Do you understand?”

“I -- I think so,” Ezra said, trying to wrap his head around what Maul was telling him.  If his mind was that strong, how come the stone _felt_ so heavy?

“Pick it up and try again,” Maul said.

As Ezra bent down to retrieve the stone, Maul stopped pacing and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“Not like that,” he said.

Ezra straightened up, understanding what Maul wanted him to do.  He held out his hand and fixed his eyes on the stone.  It twitched slightly under his mental touch, but didn’t rise from the ground.  He was suddenly painfully aware of his master’s eyes on him, watching everything he did, feeling every push and pull he made with his mind, evaluating his abilities.

“Come on,” Ezra muttered in frustration.  “ _Move._ ”

The stone fell inert as if to spite him.

Ezra closed his eyes and reached out again, trying to pull the stone toward him.  He’d been able to lift it from his hand just moments ago.  Shouldn’t this be easier?  He could feel that rush of disappointment from his master again and part of him wondered if Maul intended for him to feel it.

“Perhaps you’re not as powerful as I thought you were,” Maul said.

The words hit Ezra harder than any slap to the face Maul had ever given him.  They stung at him and dug into his head, burrowing deep into his mind.  He’d never done this before and he was _trying_ and his master didn’t seem to care.  What if he decided Ezra wasn’t worth his time if he couldn’t do this one simple thing?  And worse, what if he was _right_?  What if Ezra wasn’t even powerful enough to move one little rock?  What would happen to him then?

Ezra’s hand was shaking as he glared down at the stone, willing it to move into his hand, growing more and more frustrated and angry and desperate with every second it spent just twitching on the floor, refusing to move.  He should just give up, say he was sorry, beg his master for another chance, and take whatever punishment Maul gave him for his failure.

_No!_

As that loud thought echoed in Ezra’s head, the stone jumped from the floor and into his palm.  He quickly closed his hand around it, afraid to drop it again.  He saw the smallest, barely-noticeable smile twitch across his master’s face and wondered if Maul had only said that to try and make him angry.

“Thirty seconds,” Maul said.

Ezra focused in on the stone again, reaching for the anger he now understood Maul was trying to create.  The rock lifted from his hand, shaking slightly as he forced it to stay in the air.  He bit down on his lip, glaring at the stone as he held it up.  When the thirty seconds were up, Ezra let it fall back into his hand, letting out a soft sigh of relief as the weight of it lifted out of his head.

“Sixty seconds.”

Ezra looked up at Maul, trying -- and failing, he knew -- to keep his emotions off of his face.  He couldn’t do it.  He’d barely been able to hold it up for thirty seconds.  Maul _had_ to know he would fail at this.

“Ezra,” Maul said, putting a hand on Ezra’s shoulder, “I know you can do this.”

It sounded more like an expectation than encouragement, and Ezra knew arguing wouldn’t do him any good.  Instead, he looked back down at the stone in his hand and focused on getting it to move.

All of Ezra’s concentration was taken up by focusing on the rock, lifting it, and keeping it in the air.  He had no real sense of how long Maul kept him there, telling him to move the stone and keep it in the air longer with each attempt he made.  He only knew that it was a long time; long enough that his legs began to ache from standing there, not moving.  It was just a small stone, and Maul had told him his mind was stronger than it, but he was growing more exhausted with each passing minute.

At long last, Maul took the stone from Ezra’s hand.  Ezra’s shoulders slumped and he breathed a sigh of relief as he realized the lesson was done, at least for now.  Maul’s hand touched his shoulder and Ezra jumped, even though he’d seen it coming.

“You did well for your first try,” Maul said.

“Thank you, Master,” Ezra said.  That warm glow that filled his chest when he got praise from his master was dulled by his exhaustion.

“You still have a long way to go,” Maul told him.  “But I think we’re done for today.”

Ezra nodded, grateful that he was finally allowed to stop.  Maul kept a hand on Ezra’s shoulder as he led him from the room and down the corridor back toward his own room.

“I’ll do better next time,” Ezra said.

“I’m sure you will,” Maul said as he opened the door and gently nudged Ezra through it.

As the door closed behind him, Ezra hugged his arms around himself for a moment, letting out a small sigh.  Maul had said he’d done well, but he knew his master expected more from him, and the thought of letting him down caused a sharp, twisting feeling in Ezra’s chest.  His master had chosen him for an important purpose and was doing everything he could to make sure Ezra was ready for it.  Ezra knew he _had_ to do better.  For him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maul is just....such a bad parent, and poor Ezra has no idea.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse; broken bone/joint trauma; abuse victim blaming themselves for abuse

Ezra smiled to himself as he felt his master approaching before he even reached the door.  He was getting better at sensing Maul’s presence in the Force, though he couldn’t tell yet if it was because he truly recognized him or if he just knew that there was no one else it could be.  Still, it was more than he’d been able to do before Maul had begun teaching him about the Force.  It was more than he’d even known he _could_ do until Maul had told him.  In the few weeks since he’d begun to learn about the Force, he’d been practicing on his own, silently hoping that Maul could tell.

When the door opened, Ezra was already waiting a few feet away from it, hoping his master would realize that it meant Ezra had known he was there.  If he did, he gave no indication of it that Ezra could see.

As Ezra followed him out of the room, he immediately noticed that they weren’t going in the direction they normally did.  Maul was leading him somewhere other than the room where they normally trained.  Ezra’s curiosity and nervousness both piqued as the door to the lift at the end of the corridor opened and Maul led him inside.

“Where are we going?” he asked before he could stop himself.  His master rarely explained things to him ahead of time.  Ezra thought maybe he was trying to teach him to be patient, but all it did was make him more nervous.

“One of the most important skills you’ll need is the ability to use the Force to defend yourself from attacks,” Maul said.  “That is what you’ll be practicing today.”

Ezra nodded, though he still didn’t understand why they were going somewhere different.

The lift stopped and Ezra followed without asking any more questions as Maul led him down a corridor to another door.  As he opened it, Ezra moved to follow him until he realized where it led and stopped in his tracks.

Ezra’s eyes widened as he stared through the door at the grass and the forest that lay beyond it, illuminated by bright, blazing sunlight.

Maul looked back at him and smiled slightly when he saw that Ezra hadn’t moved from where he stood in the doorway.

“Ezra,” he called.

Ezra took a small step outside the door.  He wasn’t scared, but this was completely new to him.  He couldn’t remember ever having set foot outside in his life.  He’d never even _seen_ what the planet beyond the walls of his room looked like.  He had some knowledge of the outside world, and he’d felt some of this planet’s plant and animal life in the Force during his lessons.  He knew that what he was walking on was dirt and grass.  But it was one thing to know the names for things and to actually _see_ them with his own eyes.

The air felt different out here.  It was lighter, softer, and warmer than it was inside the building, and it moved more freely and felt more alive.  The sunlight was warm on his skin, though it didn’t chase away the core of cold that Ezra felt inside himself.

By the time he caught up with Maul, Ezra was smiling as his confusion faded, replaced by a nervous excitement at finally being able to leave the building he’d spent his whole life in.  He’d never really thought much about what existed outside, but now that he saw it, he was in awe of it.

“Do you remember the first time you used the Force?” Maul asked him.  “What you did and how you felt?”

Ezra nodded.

“I remember it,” he said.  “But I still don’t understand how I did it.”

“Just remember everything I’ve taught you about moving objects with the Force,” Maul said.  “You can use the same concept to defend yourself.”

He reached out and two wood staffs leaning beside the door to the building flew into his hand.  He tossed one of them to Ezra, who caught it in one hand.  As Maul swung the staff at him, Ezra quickly raised his own staff with both hands and blocked the strike.  His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed as he shoved through the Force, trying to push Maul away.  He felt just he slightest amount of give, but Maul didn’t move.  Ezra pushed harder with still no results.

Maul disengaged and brought the staff down again, slamming the end of it into Ezra’s stomach.  Ezra doubled over and stumbled back.  He saw a quick flurry of movement at the edge of his vision and flung out one hand, throwing his anger behind the motion.  As he straightened up, he saw the staff frozen in the air, just inches from where it would have struck his shoulder.  He followed through, pushing harder until Maul took one stumbling step back.

Ezra couldn’t help but smile at his success, no matter how small it was.  That smile vanished as Maul’s staff struck his side.

“Don’t let yourself get distracted,” Maul said.

As he lunged into another attack, Ezra dropped his own staff and threw every scrap of strength he had toward Maul, shoving him back and knocking the staff out of his hand.

“Better,” Maul said as he reached out, calling the staff back into his hand.  He immediately launched into another attack and Ezra dropped to the ground to avoid a blow that would have hit his arm.

He rolled to the side, picking up his own staff and raising it just in time to deflect Maul’s before it could hit his stomach again.  His arms shook just slightly before he could steady himself.  He was quickly realizing that putting all his strength behind pushing Maul away from him had been a mistake.  He was already much more worn out than he should be, and he knew his master wasn’t going to let him stop any time soon.

Ezra didn’t know how long it went on, with Maul doing most of the attacking and Ezra trying to defend himself, failing more and more often the longer it lasted.  His arms were shaking and his whole body ached from the blows he hadn’t been able to avoid.

As Ezra’s grip on the staff wavered, Maul knocked it from his hands before slamming his own staff in Ezra’s side.  As Ezra stumbled back, he fell to the ground.  As Ezra struggled to get up, one of his arms was wrenched back and a hand pressed down on his shoulder, pinning him to the ground.  Ezra instinctively struggled against Maul’s hold on him, all thoughts of using the Force to defend himself forgotten.  He felt his shoulder straining and seconds later, a loud _crack_ split the air and searing pain shot through Ezra’s arm.  He cried out and fought harder to break away, but that only made the pain worse.  Maul’s grip on him quickly loosened, then disappeared completely, and Ezra sat up, clutching his left arm against his side.  Just that small movement sent a fresh wave of pain coursing through him.  His breath came in short, sharp gasps as he tried to stave off the panic he felt pounding away inside his chest.

“Ezra,” Maul said, “just calm down.”

“I--I’m trying,” Ezra gasped, in too much pain to care that Maul had never accepted that excuse before.  “It hurts.”

“I know,” Maul said.  “Stand up.”

Ezra understood the words, but he couldn’t process what he was supposed to do in response.  Maul reached down and put his hand on Ezra’s right arm.  Ezra flinched and whimpered slightly even though it was the uninjured side, but let his master guide him to his feet.

Maul kept his hand on Ezra’s shoulder as he led him back inside.  Ezra walked beside him in silence, gritting his teeth as he tried to push away that burning feeling behind his eyes.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried, but he knew Maul hated it when he did.

Ezra ducked his head against the lights that flickered on as Maul led him into a room with white walls.  He’d been in here once before, when he’d had a cut bad enough it needed to be stitched up before it could be covered with a bacta bandage.  All his other injuries had been small enough they didn’t need to be treated much, if at all.

“Sit,” Maul told him, gesturing to a chair near the wall.

As Ezra sat down, Maul pulled his injured arm away from his side.  He was being unusually gentle.  With other injuries Ezra had gotten, Maul’s touch was rough and almost uncaring.  Even as careful as he was being now, Ezra still gasped in pain as Maul pushed back his sleeve to examine his arm.

Ezra looked down to see that his arm was covered in dark purple bruises, some of them almost black.  Ezra yelped as Maul felt the bruised area.  He could feel something shifting under his skin as pain radiated from where Maul touched him.

“Try to move your hand,” Maul told him.

As Ezra did, there was still pain, but it was duller and less intense than when Maul had touched his arm.

“Your arm is broken,” Maul said.  “You’ll need a splint.  Wait here.”

Ezra sat there, staring down at his broken and bruised arm.  He lightly poked at one of the bruises with his other hand, only to let out a quiet hiss as it stung.  He felt shame tightening around his throat as he looked at the injury.  He was better than this.  He knew he was.

As Maul turned back toward him and crossed the room, Ezra braced himself, knowing instinctively that this was going to hurt.  Maul laid something straight against one side of Ezra’s arm before slowly shifting Ezra’s arm and the broken bones inside it.  Ezra gasped and tried to pull away, but Maul tightened his grip to stop him, which only made it hurt more.

“Struggling will only make this worse,” Maul said, a warning in his voice.

Ezra gripped the edge of the chair with his free hand and clenched his jaw as Maul set the break.  He relaxed slightly when Maul placed the second straight piece of metal against his arm and began wrapping a bandage around it.

“Why did you do it?” Ezra asked, the question jumping out of him before he could stop it.  He immediately cringed a little.  He shouldn’t have asked.  But Maul had never hurt him like this before and Ezra just wanted to know why it had happened.

Maul’s hands froze for a moment before he kept wrapping the bandage around Ezra’s arm.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen,” he said.  “It was an accident.”

Ezra stared down at the now-covered injury, turning the words over in his head.  He hadn’t thought Maul did anything by accident.  Everything he did seemed calculated and planned.  Everything except this.

Even if Maul said it was an accident, Ezra knew that accident was at least a little bit his fault.  He hadn’t been fast enough or strong enough to stop it from happening.  He’d made that one stupid mistake and it had made it harder to defend himself.

“I’ll do better next time,” he said quietly.

“I know you will,” Maul said, his hand resting on Ezra’s shoulder and tightening around it for a moment.

That small, affectionate gesture was over as quickly as it had started.  Maul pulled his hand away as if he’d been burned.

“Go back to your room,” he said, that gentle tone gone from his voice.  “We’re done training for today.”

“Yes, Master,” Ezra said.

He slid off the chair, his feet hitting the floor with a dull _thud._   He began to walk toward the door, but stopped in his tracks as Maul called after him.

“Ezra,” he said.  “It really was an accident.”

“I know,” Ezra said.

Maul nodded to him, signaling that he was free to go, and Ezra left the room, keeping his eyes on the floor in front of him, wondering why Maul had felt the need to tell him that again.  If Maul said it was an accident, he wasn’t going to question it.  He would never think that his master was lying to him.

And even if it hadn’t been an accident, Ezra wouldn’t say anything about it.  He knew his master didn’t like hurting him, but sometimes he had to, and it wasn’t Ezra’s place to question him.

When Ezra reached the door to his room, he had to reach up to hit the control to open it.  As he stepped inside, he heard the door slide shut behind him and the small _beep_ of the lock activating.  He sat down on the edge of the bed, tracing an unseen pattern on the metal floor with one finger.  In the back of his mind, he wondered if Maul was being kind by letting him stop training early because of his injury, or if being stuck in his room all day was his punishment for letting himself get hurt.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: references to child abuse; animal death; forced violence toward an animal; reference to mass death

Ezra knelt in the grass beside Maul, shifting slightly until he was comfortable.  They were just inside the forest beyond the building.  In the distance, Ezra could hear small animals he didn’t know the names for rustling through the bushes and trees.

It had been two weeks since Ezra was injured, and his arm was still in a splint.  Ezra knew he needed to let it heal, but he was growing more and more impatient with it.  As he recovered, Maul had kept him focused on mental aspects of the Force like meditating and sensing his surroundings.  Ezra knew those things were important, but he couldn’t tell if Maul was focusing on it to let Ezra’s injury heal or because he thought Ezra was too weak to continue more physically demanding lessons yet.  He’d never done this when Ezra had been injured before, but Ezra had never been this badly injured before.  It was completely uncharted territory.

“You have a talent for connecting to other minds,” Maul was telling him.  “It was one of the first things I noticed when I met you.”

Ezra tilted his head curiously, but didn’t ask about what was on his mind.  He didn’t remember when he’d first met Maul.  He had no idea when or how it had happened, but he must have been too young to remember.  He’d never thought to ask about it.  It had never mattered.  As far as he knew, he’d been with Maul his entire life, or almost that long, and he doubted Maul would give him a real answer if he asked, so he settled for his other question.

“What does that mean?” Ezra asked.

“Having a gift for connection means you can sense the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of others even more easily than most people like us,” Maul told him.  “You can enter someone else’s mind with less effort, and you can use that to learn information and influence them.”

“Influence them?” Ezra repeated.

“You can get others to do things,” Maul said.  “Even things not in their nature.  You can even override their will and control their actions.”

Ezra nodded to show he understood.  The more Maul taught him about the Force, the more Ezra realized he had always on some level been able to sense his master’s feelings, even before he understood why.

“That is why we’re out here,” Maul told him.  “The minds of animals are simpler than the minds of sentient beings.  It should be easier for you to connect with them and control them.”

Ezra just nodded again, getting the feeling he knew what Maul was about to tell him to do.

“Now, reach out and find the nearest animal,” Maul said.

Ezra closed his eyes and stretched out a net in his mind, feeling the area around him and pushing farther and farther out, searching for the spark of a living mind.  He felt the slightest twitch in his mind as it brushed up against something unfamiliar.  He didn’t recognize the creature, but he recognized the jumpy, skittish feeling in its mind.  It was nervous and avoided things bigger than it by its nature.  It recoiled as Ezra slid easily into its mind.

“Now make it come to you,” Maul said, his voice sounding like it came from somewhere far in the distance as Ezra focused completely on the creature.

_Come here_ , Ezra thought.  _It’s safe._

The creature scurried farther away, leaves and twigs rustling as it disappeared into the brush.  It almost slipped away from Ezra’s hold on its mind, but Ezra held on.

“Remember what I told you,” Maul said.  “You can override their instincts and control their actions.  Your will just needs to be stronger than theirs.”

Ezra nodded and sank his mental hold deeper into the animal’s mind.  Slowly, it crept out from its hiding place and began to inch toward him.  Ezra didn’t need to tell it to move or convince it.  It simply did what Ezra thought it should.

Ezra opened his eyes and finally saw the creature whose mind he’d connected to.  It was some kind of…he struggled to remember the word for this type of animal.  Rodent, that was it.  Ezra stretched out his uninjured arm and placed his open hand on the ground in front of him.  The animal walked straight onto his hand without hesitation, because Ezra willed it to.  He could feel the creature struggling against his control, wanting to run away, back to the safety of the trees and grass and bushes.  But Ezra held on, not letting it run away.

Ezra lifted the animal up and look at his master, waiting for instructions on what to do next.  He couldn’t help but be a little proud of himself.  Not only had he made the creature come to him, but he had made it climb into his hand, something that went completely against its nature.  Some small part of him hoped his master would be proud of him for it, too.

“Now,” Maul said, placing his hand on Ezra’s shoulder, “kill it.”

“Why?” Ezra asked.

“Ezra,” Maul said, a warning in his voice, his hand tightening around Ezra’s shoulder.

Ezra flinched slightly at the reminder not to question his master’s orders.  He closed his eyes again and reached out, closing his grip in the Force around the animal’s neck.  He could feel it struggling and panicking, it’s small, sharp claws digging into his palm, in the second before he twisted its neck to the side, cleanly snapping it, killing the creature instantly.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Maul asked as the creature’s body fell to the ground.

Ezra shook his head.  It hadn’t been hard.  It was easy, and as Ezra had held the creature’s throat, he’d felt a rush of strength and power as he’d held its life in his hand.  But even as he held that feeling in his mind, a question still circled around in his head.

“Why did you tell me to do that?” he asked.  Realizing how he must sound, he quickly tried to explain himself, the words tangling in his head in his haste to get them out.

“I’m not -- I’m not trying to question you,” he said.  “I’m just trying to understand.”

Maul’s hand rested on the back of his head for just a moment and Ezra breathed a small sigh of relief as he realized his master wasn’t angry with him.

“It was weak enough to fall into your trap,” Maul said.  “It didn’t deserve your mercy.”

Ezra thought over the words for a moment before deciding they made sense.

"Our existence is dangerous, Ezra," Maul told him.  "There may come a day when you have to kill to survive, and we cannot bring down Sidious and his Empire without shedding blood.  You need to get used to the feeling of taking a life.  If you hesitate like that against a stormtrooper or an Inquisitor, it could cost you your own life."

"I understand," Ezra said quietly, trying to ignore the chill his master's words had caused.  "I didn't mean to hesitate.  I just wasn't expecting it."

“How did it feel?” Maul asked.  Ezra had the sense Maul knew exactly what he’d felt, but wanted him to say it out loud.

“I felt…powerful,” he said.  “Like the first time I used the Force and knew what I was doing.”

He stared down at the creature’s body, broken and limp and unmoving.

“Is that how you feel when…” Ezra’s eyes widened and his mouth snapped shut as he realized what he’d been about to say.  How could he even _think_ that?

“Ezra,” Maul said, knowing exactly what Ezra had been about to say, “you know I don’t like hurting you.”

“I know,” Ezra said quickly.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t -- I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s alright, Ezra,” Maul said.

He put a hand on Ezra’s shoulder, and Ezra felt a small spark of warmth in his chest.  It faded quickly as Maul’s hand tightened around his shoulder, not a gesture of comfort, but one of intimidation.  The inside of Ezra’s chest went cold as fear crept through him.  There were moments like the one that had just happened when Ezra felt his master’s genuine affection for him.  Many times when it happened, it wouldn’t take long for his master to come down harder on him, reprimanding him more harshly than usual or finding some reason to strike him or punish him, as if he was angry with Ezra for causing that feeling.  Whenever it happened, Ezra would feel a dull ache in his chest and something tightening in his throat as he wondered why his master would get so angry about feeling that way toward him.

“Let’s try again,” Maul said.

Ezra let out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding as he realized Maul wasn’t going to hurt him this time.  He nodded and reached out, feeling for any animals nearby.  There was one, the same type of animal as the one that lay dead in front of Ezra, in a tree somewhere to his left.  Reaching into its mind was easy, just as the last one had been.  At Ezra’s mental command, it climbed down the tree and walked up to Ezra, sitting on the ground in front of him and staring up at him expectantly.  Just like the last one, Ezra seized its throat and snapped its neck, and just like the last one, its fear in the moment it knew it was going to die sent a rush of strength through him.

* * *

 

Maul didn’t order Ezra to kill any of the other animals he connected to, but he kept Ezra practicing the skill for hours, telling him to connect to animals farther and farther away from where they sat.  The longer the distance, the harder it became for Ezra to find the animals in the first place, let alone reach into their minds and sense what they were feeling and thinking.

Ezra still had trouble judging time, but he knew it had to have lasted hours because the sun was already setting when Maul finally allowed him to take a break.  The moon and a few stars were just visible as the sky darkened above them.  Ezra stared up at them as he leaned back against the trunk of a tree, his knees pulled up toward his chest and his injured arm resting on top of them.  He and his master were so alone on this planet that it was hard to imagine distant planets full of people.  Sometimes it was hard to imagine other people at all.  For his whole life, or at least as far back as he could remember, it had just been the two of them hidden away on the planet he now knew was called Orsis.  Other people were an idea that he knew existed, but they weren’t real to him the way his master was.

“Are there really others like us out there?” Ezra asked, barely realizing he was speaking out loud.

“Some,” Maul said, “but not many.  The Empire killed most of them.”

“Why?” Ezra asked.

“They were a threat,” Maul said.  “They stood in the way of Sidious gaining control of the galaxy, and so he destroyed them.  The few who remain went into hiding, or were forced to serve the Empire.”

Ezra’s uninjured arm snaked around his knees and hugged them closer toward his chest.  What would have happened to him if his master hadn’t thought to hide him on Orsis?  Would he be dead now, or would he have been forced to join the Empire, to do the bidding of the man who'd betrayed Maul?

“That is why I brought you here,” Maul said, as if he knew what Ezra was thinking.  “To keep you safe and hidden from the Empire and anyone who might tell them about you.”

Ezra tore his gaze away from the stars and looked at his master, who sat on the opposite side of the small clearing from him.

“Thank you,” Ezra said.  “I don’t know if I’ve ever said it, but thank you for teaching me and for keeping me safe.”

Ezra felt a small core of fear freeze in his chest as he felt the storm of conflicting emotions that he didn’t understand in his master’s head.  He sat there, not moving, as he wondered if he’d said something wrong, wanting to ask Maul if he was angry but too afraid to do it.

“That’s enough for a break,” Maul finally said.  He didn’t sound angry.  He didn’t sound like he was feeling anything.

Ezra slid out of his more comfortable position, settling onto his knees in the grass and spreading out that net in his head once more.  If his master wanted to explain what had been going through his head, he would.  Sometimes he did.  It was rare, but it happened, usually after a particularly harsh punishment or an exhausting or painful lesson.  Ezra would just have to wait and see if this would be one of those times.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: illness; child abuse
> 
> Set about a year after the previous chapter, Ezra is six at this point.

Everything felt heavy.  Ezra’s eyelids, his limbs, his head, they all felt like they’d been weighed down until he couldn’t move them.  He knew he had to get up.  He _had_ to stand up _now._   His master wouldn’t like it if he came into the room to find Ezra still in bed.  But the only movement he could manage was to curl into a tight ball under the blanket as he shivered.  He tried to sit up as he began to cough again, but he couldn’t even manage that.  He just lay there on his side, coughing and gasping for air until it stopped.

The door opened and Ezra tried to move again, but he was so tired he wasn’t fast enough.

“Get up,” Maul said as he grabbed Ezra’s arm.

Ezra groaned as he was hauled to his feet, ducking his head to shield his eyes from the harsh lights above him.  He tried to pull himself out of Maul’s grip, barely even aware of what he was doing, but knowing he hurt too much to be standing up.

Clearly losing patience with Ezra’s attempt to pull away, Maul struck him across the face.  Ezra cried out as his skin stung under the blow.

“I--I’m sorry,” he mumbled.  “I--”

His words were cut off as he began to cough again.  He doubled over, gasping for air, feeling like he was about to cough his lungs out onto the floor in front of him.  When it was finally over, Maul released him and Ezra was shaking as he took a step back, away from his master.  He didn’t like the way Maul was looking at him.  He didn’t seem angry or disappointed.  He almost seemed…worried.  He never looked worried.  If he was looking at Ezra like that, something had to be wrong.

Maul rested the back of his hand on Ezra’s face and Ezra froze up, not knowing what was going on.

“Stay here,” Maul said.  He turned away and left the room, leaving Ezra alone.

Ezra wrapped his arms around himself as another wave of shivering took hold of him.  He glanced down at the bed, desperately wanting to crawl back under the blanket.  He knew he shouldn’t.  Maul had told him to stay where he was and Ezra didn’t want to find out what the punishment for going back to bed would be.  But he was so tired he could barely stand up.  He’d be able to sense when Maul was coming back, wouldn’t he?  He could get up again and Maul wouldn’t know.

Ezra was under the blanket again before he even realized he’d made a decision.  He curled up into a ball on his side, shivering and hoping he wouldn’t have another coughing fit.  It felt like a hand was closing around his throat and something was squeezing his chest, forcing all the air out and stopping him from taking in any more.

He felt something at the edge of his mind and realized too late that he was sensing his master’s presence as he approached the door.  Ezra began to sit up just as the door opened.

“Stay there,” Maul said as Ezra tried to get to his feet.

Ezra stared at him in confusion for a second before settling back into the bed.  A moment later, Maul knelt down beside him and Ezra felt something close around his wrist.  He looked down to see numbers blink across the surface of whatever it was Maul had put on his arm.

“It measures your vital signs,” Maul told him.

Ezra wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but he was too tired to care.  Maul placed a canteen beside the bed where Ezra could easily reach it.

“It’s just water,” he said.  “You need to drink as much as you can.”

As Ezra nodded in acknowledgement of his words, he felt pressure around his throat.  Seconds later, he began to cough again, hard enough that his whole body shook and twitched with each cough.  When he was finally able to breathe again, he took slow, shaking breaths.

“Just stay here and rest,” Maul said, putting a hand on Ezra’s shoulder for a moment.

As he stood up and left the room, Ezra stared after him, even more confused now.  As the door closed, something tightened in Ezra’s chest.  Something that had nothing to do with his illness.  He’d been sick before, and he’d always had to train anyway, and Maul expected the same of him as he did when he wasn’t sick.  Injuries didn’t matter, either.  Even his broken arm months ago hadn’t let him avoid training completely.  No enemy would care if Ezra was sick or injured, and so that wouldn’t get him out of training.  If Maul was not just allowing him to stay in bed, but ordering him to, whatever this was had to be bad.

Even as worried as he was, Ezra was a little grateful, too.  He knew in this state he wouldn’t be able to do anything to Maul’s standards, and he didn’t think he could handle whatever punishment he would get for failure.

Ezra didn’t know if his next bout of shaking was him shuddering at the thought of that or him shivering from what he now understood was a fever.  The thin blanket did nothing to keep the cold away, and if the chills were coming from inside him, he wasn’t sure anything _could_ hold back the cold.  Under the blanket, Ezra wrapped his arms around himself.  He hated being sick.  It made him slow and weak and there was almost nothing he could do about it.

Ezra closed his eyes, trying to will himself to sleep.  It would be a little more bearable if he could just fall a sleep for a few more hours.  He wouldn’t have to think about how much he felt like his whole body was being weighed down and his chest was being crushed.  He wouldn’t have to think about taking slow, shallow breaths in an attempt to avoid coughing.  He wouldn’t have to think at all.

Ezra drifted in and out of fitful sleep that kept getting interrupted by bursts of heat pressing around him and cold wracking his whole body and coughing fits so bad his back would arch, lifting him partway off the bed.  In between the times he was able to sleep, he tried to drink water like he’d been told to, but every time he did, he would start coughing again until his exhaustion took over and he drifted back into sleep.

* * *

 

Ezra felt a hand on his arm.  He sensed his master’s presence close by.  As Ezra’s eyes opened, he saw Maul looking at the monitor around Ezra’s wrist.  Still too exhausted to keep his eyes open, Ezra let them shut again.

“What’s happening?” he asked.

Almost before he’d finished speaking, he began coughing again, feeling like he was being punched or kicked in the chest.  Maul just waited for the coughing fit to die down before speaking.

“It’s an infection in your lungs,” he said.

The way he said it unnerved Ezra.  He sounded and _felt_ so…concerned and it wasn’t normal and it scared Ezra.  He should be telling Ezra to stand up, that no enemy would care if he couldn’t breathe and didn’t feel like he could move.  He should be pulling Ezra to his feet himself, dragging him out of the room and shoving a staff into his hand, forcing him to fight until he couldn’t stand.

Sensing his distress, Maul rested a hand on Ezra’s forehead, as if to comfort him.  Ezra began shivering again as another chill settled over him.

“You’ll be alright, son,” Maul said.

Ezra’s eyes opened again, his gaze shifting so he was looking directly at his master’s face, staring at him in confusion.  Maybe he hadn’t heard right?  Or maybe…

“Am I dying?” Ezra asked.  It would explain why Maul was being so gentle with him.  There wouldn’t be any point in forcing him to train if he was about to die anyway.  And it might explain why he would say something like that.

“You can tell me if I am,” Ezra said.

“You’re not dying,” Maul said.  “You just need to rest.”

Ezra nodded and closed his eyes again.  He didn’t need convincing.  He was so tired that even just talking and opening his eyes had drained him.  He felt Maul’s hand leave his forehead and a moment later, he heard the sound of Maul’s metal footsteps before the door opened and he left the room.  Ezra burrowed deeper under the blanket and let his exhausted mind drag him back under.

* * *

 

Maul paced in the hallway outside Ezra’s room.  It had been just over a full day since Ezra had fallen ill, and he’d spent most of that time asleep.  His fever had gone up and was showing no signs of breaking anytime soon.  His cough had grown heavier, wracking his entire body and leaving him gasping for air.

There was no doubt that Ezra’s condition was getting worse, but taking him to a medcenter was out of the question unless he was truly on the brink of death and there was nothing Maul could do to help him.  An illness like this could be recovered from easily, but only with treatment.  Treatment that he couldn’t give Ezra with the medical supplies he had here.  There was only one thing he could do.

As he walked to what had once been the academy’s infirmary, he caught himself considering the possibility that Ezra could die.  He’d told Ezra he wasn’t dying, but if he didn’t get the treatment he needed, it could still happen.  He was surprised and unnerved to realize that he was truly worried about the boy.  He didn’t know when he’d begun to care this much.  Years ago, he would have treated an illness like this and done what he could, but he would have thought that if Ezra died, then he died.  Now he found himself hoping it wouldn’t happen.

* * *

 

Ezra didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he felt someone shaking his shoulder gently.  He opened his eyes to see Maul kneeling beside the bed.  As Ezra tried to sit up, Maul placed something in his hand.  Two small pills, barely distinguishable from each other, rested in Ezra’s palm.

“One of them should reduce your fever for a few hours,” Maul said.  “The other will help you stay asleep.”

Ezra’s gaze flitted from the pills to Maul’s face.  Maul had given him a fever reducer once before, but he’d never given him something to keep him asleep.

“There’s something you need if you’re going to get better,” Maul said.  “I have to leave to get it.  I won’t be gone longer than a day.”

The thought of being left alone sent a nervous flutter through Ezra’s chest, but he was too tired and his head was too fogged up to argue.  He swallowed the two pills and settled back down under the blanket.  The pill to help him sleep was already taking effect as Maul left the room.

* * *

 

Ezra slipped in and out of dreams of fear and pain.  Something crushing his chest while he was trapped in the dark and couldn’t see what it was.  His master’s hand closing around his throat, cutting off his air.  Being locked in a dark, empty room, his hands cuffed to something behind his back, and left there.

Even with the drug Maul had given him in his system, Ezra found himself being violently jerked awake by a coughing fit.  When it ended, he lay awake, listening to the sound of his breath rattling in his chest.  He was getting worse.  He knew he was.  That had to be why Maul had left to find…whatever it was he was looking for.

Ezra curled into a tight ball, hugging his knees against his chest.  He didn’t want to be alone.  Right now, he didn’t care how weak that made him.  Everything hurt and he knew it was getting worse and he was scared.  He just wished his master was there so he didn’t have to suffer alone.

He clung to that thought, even though it was only causing him even more pain.  His last thought before he drifted off again was that he didn’t want to be alone.

* * *

 

When Ezra woke again, Maul was there, gently shaking him awake.  For a moment, Ezra felt like all his thoughts had frozen in his head as he stared up at Maul in confusion until he remembered.  Maul had left.  He didn’t know how long ago it had been and couldn’t remember how long he’d said he would be gone.  But he was back now.  Ezra wasn’t alone anymore.

Maul placed something in Ezra’s hand.  Another pill.

“What is it?” Ezra asked, his voice hoarse from coughing.

“It helps kill the infection,” Maul told him.

Ezra stared down at it for a second before swallowing it.  He didn’t feel any different like he had when he’d taken the other pills he’d been given.

“You need to keep resting,” Maul said.

Ezra’s heart sank.  He just wanted this to be over.  He wanted that crushing feeling on his chest to be gone.  He wanted to stop feeling like he was drowning.

Maul pressed his hand against Ezra’s forehead and Ezra felt something shift in the Force.  Something cold and shadowy was pressing in on him, like it was trying to hold him down.  He instinctively tried to push it away, but the shadows were stronger that he was.  Just before his vision went dark, he realized it was his master, forcing him back to sleep.

* * *

 

It was four days before Maul decided Ezra was ready to begin training again.  Ezra woke up to Maul grabbing his arm and hauling him to his feet.  Ezra gasped, triggering a coughing fit that left him feeling like everything in his chest had been scraped out of it.

“Be ready for training in five minutes,” Maul said when Ezra’s cough finally died down.

Ezra was still catching his breath as Maul left the room.  He stumbled to the sink and splashed some water on his face.  He was so tired that his bones ached, and although he was feeling better, his chest still felt like it was weighed down by something.  But he wouldn’t dare to ask for one more day to rest, or even one more hour.  Besides, he was more than a little bit glad that things were getting back to normal.  Maul being so gentle with him had been unnerving and it wasn’t until he started feeling better that Ezra was sure he really wasn’t dying.

Ezra quickly changed his clothes, covered in sweat from his recently-broken fever, and pulled on his boots before going to stand in front of the door, waiting for it to be unlocked.  He stared down at the floor, trying to piece together the past few days in his mind.  Most of it was a blur of times when he was barely awake, slipping in and out of a fevered haze, spaced out by nightmares and the occasional bout of peaceful sleep caused by drugs Maul had given him.  He vaguely remembered Maul telling him what the illness was.  He remembered being scared, not understanding what it really meant, and not understanding why Maul was acting the way he was.  And he remembered…he tried to push that memory away.  He didn’t want to think about that.  It was just a word and it shouldn’t mean anything to him.  He couldn’t let it distract him.

When the door opened, Ezra silently followed Maul from the room and down the corridor.  Maul led Ezra to the lift and out of the building.  When they stopped walking, Ezra looked down to see that there was a pile of stones by his feet.

“That tree is your target,” Maul said, pointing to a tree about fifty feet from where they stood.

Ezra nodded, knowing what he was supposed to do.  He reached out through the Force, lifting one of the stones from the pile and taking his aim.  The stone flew through the air, missing the target by several feet.  Ezra flinched even though Maul made no move toward him.  He hadn’t missed by that much in a long time now.  He summoned another stone into the air only to miss again and jumped as Maul placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re distracted,” Maul said.

“No,” Ezra said quickly, shaking his head.  “I’m just not feeling well yet.”

“Ezra,” Maul said, “you know you can't lie to me.”

Ezra didn’t want to say what was on his mind.  He knew Maul wouldn’t like it.  _He_ didn’t even like it.  But he couldn’t hide anything from his master.  He knew that, and he knew trying to would get him nowhere.

“I -- when I was sick,” Ezra said, “you called me your son.  And I don’t understand why.”

“It’s not important,” Maul said, his tone making it clear that Ezra was to drop the subject.

Ezra knew he should just accept the answer he was given, even if it wasn’t a real explanation.  His master said it wasn’t important and so it shouldn’t matter to him.  He didn’t understand why he wasn’t satisfied with what Maul had told him.

“I just want to know --”

His question was cut off as Maul struck his face.  Ezra clenched his jaw so he wouldn’t cry out and stared down at the ground.  He knew he shouldn’t have said anything.  Maul was right when he said it wasn’t important.

“I told you it doesn’t matter,” Maul said, his voice harsh.  “It was a mistake.  You have no family.  You never did.”

“I know,” Ezra said, frantically trying to take back everything he'd said.  “I’m sorry, you’re right, it doesn’t matter.  I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Maul reached out and cupped Ezra’s face in one hand, forcing him to look up.  His bright yellow eyes bored into Ezra’s, like he was staring directly into Ezra’s head, searching for something.

“Why are you thinking about this now?” Maul asked.

“I don’t know,” Ezra said.  “Because you called me that.  But I know it shouldn’t matter.  I’m sorry.”

“You can't let this distract you,” Maul said as he released Ezra.  “You need to focus.”

“Yes, Master,” Ezra said.

He turned his attention back to the stones at his feet.  Maul was right, he couldn’t let this distract him.  His master might technically be the closest thing he had to family, but that concept had never mattered to him before.  He wouldn’t let it become important to him now.  What mattered was doing everything he could to learn what Maul tried to teach him so that one day he could help his master destroy the man who’d betrayed him.  Nothing else mattered.  Nothing.

He held that thought in his head -- _nothing else matters; nothing else matters_ \-- as he pushed aside everything else, anchoring himself to what he was trying to do.  He reached out, feeling the Force buzzing through his veins like electricity, and lifted one of the stones from the pile and pushed it away from him, hitting the target dead center.

Nothing else mattered.

* * *

 

Maul stood back and watched as Ezra continued to lift stones from the pile at his feet, each of them hitting the intended target.  Ezra was moving more slowly than usual, taking his time to focus before he acted.  He would need to work on acting more quickly while keeping that focus, but for now, Maul could allow it.  Ezra’s mind felt clearer than it had been just moments before, and that was what mattered right now.  He wasn’t letting himself be distracted by something that never should have crossed his mind in the first place.

Calling Ezra his son had been a mistake made in a moment of weakness.  It shouldn’t have happened and he’d hoped that Ezra simply wouldn’t remember it.  He’d barely been conscious at the time, after all.  But he had remembered, and worse, it had seemed to _mean_ something to him.

Maul’s brief search of Ezra’s mind showed no signs that any memories of his parents had resurfaced from where they’d been buried by time.  Ezra wasn’t yet adept enough at shielding to hide anything from him, so Maul was certain that Ezra’s question had come from something else.  And in some ways, that was almost worse.  He knew Ezra craved his affection and attention, but he had never intended to become a father-figure to the boy.  And he wouldn’t.  Ezra was _not_ his child.  He wasn’t anyone’s.  Ezra was his apprentice and nothing more, and Maul wouldn’t allow himself or the boy to be distracted by thoughts of something neither of them could have.

But Maul knew Ezra understood now.  He wouldn’t mention it again.  If he did, Maul would handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway, Maul is the worst and I sincerely apologize


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: child abuse; animal death; victim blaming themselves for abuse

As Maul set him down, Ezra instinctively reached his hand out, searching for something to hold onto as he tried to regain his balance without being able to see where he was.  He stumbled and fell forward, his palm stinging as he scraped it on the ground.  Maul had injected him with something to keep him disoriented so he couldn’t hold onto any sense of where they were going.  He’d told Ezra it would wear off quickly, but some of its effects were still lingering.

Ezra reached toward the blindfold over his eyes, only for Maul to grab his wrists, stopping him.

“Don’t remove it until you can no longer hear the speeder bike,” Maul told him.  “And once you do, find your way home.”

“By myself?” Ezra asked, a nervous tremor in his voice.

“Yes,” Maul said.  His hands tightened around Ezra’s wrists for a moment.

“I will know if you remove the blindfold early,” he said.

Ezra nodded, not questioning how he would know.  Sometimes it seemed his master knew everything.

Maul released him and began to walk away.  After a moment, Ezra heard the sound of the speeder bike they’d used to get here powering up and quickly growing farther and farther away.  When it finally faded into the distance, Ezra cautiously removed the blindfold, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light.  He was somewhere deep in the forest, which gave him no indication of which way he should go.  There was forest on the north and west sides of the building.  But he knew the sound of the speeder bike had disappeared somewhere to his left, so that had to be the right direction.

Ezra stood up carefully.  The drug Maul had given him seemed to have worn off.  He was steadier on his feet and his head was clearer now.  He could do this.  He just had to walk home.  His master hadn’t even given him a time limit.  How hard could this be?

* * *

 

Ezra felt like he had been walking for hours, and there was no sign that he was nearing the edge of the woods.  His legs ached and he’d been on his feet for so long that his back was beginning to hurt, too.

Ezra stopped and leaned against a nearby tree.  He closed his eyes and reached through the Force, casting out that net in his mind, feeling for his master’s presence.  If he was close enough to home, Ezra would be able to sense Maul and know he was going in the right direction.

He could feel the animals that inhabited the planet in all directions around him.  There was a nest of canoids not far to the north of where he stood, which Ezra made a note to avoid before pushing out farther with his mind.  But there was no sign of his master anywhere.

Ezra’s heart hammered in his chest.  What if he’d been going the wrong way this whole time?  What if he’d gotten turned around and hadn’t noticed?  What if he was lost in these woods forever?

Ezra shook his head vigorously, as if he could fling his fears from his mind.  He had to keep moving.  He had to get home.  The sun was already starting to set, and it would only get harder to find his way when it got dark.  Ezra didn’t want to be out here over night, or any longer than he had to.  There were reasons he had never been allowed in the woods alone before, or been this deep in them.

He kept walking in the same direction he had been before.  He had to reach the edge of the woods at some point.

He had only been walking for another few minutes when he heard movement behind him and froze in his tracks.  He slowly turned around to see one of the canoids from the nearby nest, crouched like it was about to leap at him.  He must have gotten too close without realizing.

He reached out with his mind, trying to tell the creature he wasn’t a threat, he wasn’t trying to hurt them.  It just growled, its eyes locked on Ezra.  Ezra took a step back and stumbled, falling to the ground.  The creature slowly rose up out of its crouch and stared at him.  Ezra reached deeper into its mind, trying to sense what it was thinking.  Animals’ minds were hard to understand, but for a moment, Ezra saw himself through its eyes.  Something small and lost and scared.

The creature’s ears twitched, as if it heard something Ezra didn’t.  Seconds later, a loud, crackling _hiss_ echoed through the air, there was a flash of bright red light, and with a growl and a yelp, the canoid fell to the ground, a burning wound in its back.

Ezra looked up to see his master standing over him, his lightsaber in his hand.  His gaze shifted from the dead canoid to Ezra, paralyzed with fear on the ground.  He switched off his weapon and held out his free hand.  Ezra took it and let Maul pull him to his feet.

“How…” Ezra trailed off, not finishing the question as he glanced back and forth from Maul to the canoid.

“I’ve been trailing you the whole time,” Maul told him.

“But I couldn’t feel you,” Ezra said, still trying to wrap his head around what had just happened.

“I was shielding myself so you couldn’t,” Maul said.

His hand moved to Ezra’s shoulder and he began to lead Ezra away in the opposite direction than he’d been walking in.  Ezra glanced back over his shoulder at the animal as they walked past it.

“It wasn’t going to hurt me,” Ezra said.

“You don’t know that,” Maul said, his hand tightening on Ezra's shoulder.

Ezra turned his attention back to where they were walking.  He didn’t _think_ the canoid was going to hurt him.  It had seemed to understand that Ezra wasn’t a threat, but maybe Maul knew something he didn’t.  He stayed silent as he walked beside Maul.  Now that his fear was starting to fade, Ezra could feel shame sticking at the inside of his chest like a needle.  Maul’s hand on his shoulder suddenly felt like a comfort he didn’t deserve, or a criticism he did.  What Maul had told him to do was so simple, and he hadn’t been able to do it.  And Maul had _known_ he wouldn’t be able to, at least not without running into trouble.

His legs and back ached as he kept walking.  He wanted to stop just for a minute, but he was afraid to even ask.  First he’d failed to do what his master expected of him, and now he could barely keep walking.

Ezra didn’t even notice that he’d slowed down until Maul’s hand moved to his arm and pulled him forward, forcing him to move faster.

“Keep up,” he said.  “It’s not far now.”

“I’m sorry,” Ezra muttered.  “I’m just tired.”

The next words stuck in his throat as he tried to force them out, his voice shaking with anxiety.

“Can we stop?” he asked.  “Just for a minute?”

Maul’s grip on his arm tightened.

“Do you think you’ve earned a break?” he asked.

That prickling feeling of shame in Ezra’s chest only grew worse.  He knew Maul was right.  He’d been given one simple task and he’d failed.  He didn’t deserve to rest yet.

“No,” he said quietly.

Ezra remained silent as they kept walking.  At long last, Ezra saw that the trees around them were thinning out and finally, he saw home just beyond the tree line.  A wave of relief crashed over him.  They were almost there.

As they entered the building, Ezra tried to pull away from Maul, planning to get to his room as quickly as he could so he could finally rest, but Maul didn’t let go.

“Not yet,” Maul said.

Ezra felt dread rising up like bile in his throat.  He’d thought that being forced to keep walking with no rest _was_ his punishment for failure, but now he knew that wasn’t the case.

“Please,” Ezra said, his voice shaking from both fear and exhaustion.  “I can't --”

Ignoring Ezra’s plea, Maul began to walk down the corridor, pulling Ezra with him.  Ezra stumbled as he tried to keep up, his heart hammering.  He was sure he knew where Maul was taking him, and just thinking about it, he felt like something was closing around his chest, growing tighter and tighter until he couldn’t breathe.

“No!” Ezra screamed, digging his heels against the floor as he tried to wrench his wrist out of Maul’s grip.

Maul released him, letting him fall to the floor.  His palms stung as he hit the ground, just stopping himself from striking his head on the floor.  He cried out as Maul kicked him in the stomach, adding to the pain that gripped his whole body and that Ezra knew was only about to get worse.

“Get up,” Maul said, grabbing the back of Ezra’s shirt and hauling him to his feet.

Maul kept one hand firmly around Ezra’s arm as he led him down the corridor, his grip tight enough to warn Ezra not to struggle.  Ezra obeyed the silent warning, knowing that trying to resist would only make things worse.

Ezra’s heart seemed to jump from his chest into his throat when he saw the door.  Knowing where Maul was taking him did nothing to make it less terrifying.  A quiet whimper of fear rose in the back of his throat as he instinctively stopped in his tracks.  Maul’s grip on his arm tightened as he dragged Ezra forward.

The door opened as they approached and Ezra gasped as he was shoved forward into the pitch dark room.

* * *

 

Even with his eyes open as wide as he could make them, Ezra couldn’t see a thing.  The darkness in the room was complete, with no light for his eyes to pick up on.  His back ached from the beating he’d received, and he knew it was covered with bruises, welts, and even a few open cuts that he could feel as the rough fabric of his shirt clung to the drying blood around them.  The restraints around his wrists and the short chains that connected them to the wall kept his arms pulled upward at an angle that sent jolts of pain shooting through his shoulders.  He knew he could relieve the pain a little if he stood up, but his legs still ached from being forced to keep walking through the woods.

Ezra had long since stopped fighting against his restraints.  It was useless to struggle.  He knew that.  He could do nothing but wait until his master chose to release him.  Besides, he knew he didn’t deserve to escape and free himself.  He had failed in the one simple task he’d been given and then he’d resisted when Maul brought him here, as if he knew better than his master whether or not he should be punished for his failure.  For that, he knew he deserved every blow he’d gotten and every second he spent locked up.

As the door opened, Ezra squeezed his eyes shut against the light.  He bit down on the inside of his lip as his master entered the room, not knowing if he was about to be released or beaten again.  For a few seconds, nothing happened, and Ezra remained silent, knowing that trying to convince his master to let him out might only make things worse.

It was all Ezra could do not to sigh with relief as the restraints opened.  He stood up slowly, bracing one hand against the wall as he did.  He was shaking as he took a few halting steps toward the door.  Maul put a hand on his shoulder, steadying Ezra as he led him out of the room and down the corridor.

Ezra stayed silent as Maul guided him back to his room.  Just a month ago, he’d been moved to another room, this one above ground.  The door could be opened from inside the room, so Ezra could come and go as he wanted unless Maul chose to lock him in, and right now, Ezra didn’t even care if he did.  It wouldn’t be nearly as frightening as being restrained and locked in the dark room.

As Ezra opened the door, he looked up at Maul.

“I’m sorry, Master,” he said, his voice shaking slightly.  “I’ll do better next time.”

Maul’s hand tightened around Ezra’s shoulder for just a moment, the brief gesture of comfort ending just as quickly as it had begun.

“We’ll try again tomorrow,” Maul said.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse; unnamed character death
> 
> there's a small timeskip from the last chapter, so Ezra is now eight

As he walked up the ramp on the ship, a mix of excitement and nervousness sent something fluttering through Ezra’s chest.  Maul had told them they were leaving the planet for at least a day, but he hadn’t said why.

“Hurry up,” Maul said.  “We don’t have much time.”

Ezra rushed to the front of the ship and slid into the co-pilot’s chair.  His feet dangled above the floor as he settled into the seat.

“Where are we going?” he asked as Maul powered up the ship’s engines.

“The Onatos sector,” Maul said.  “There is an outpost used by smugglers there.”

“Why are we going to a smugglers’ outpost?” Ezra asked.

“You don’t need to know yet,” Maul said.

Ezra shifted nervously where he sat.  When Maul held back information, it usually meant Ezra was being tested, and a test almost always meant pain.

As nervous as he was, Ezra leaned forward and stared out the viewport as the ship lifted off the ground.  As he watched, the trees of the forest grew smaller and smaller.  For just a moment, Ezra forgot all about being tested, about his fear of failing and having to face his master’s anger.  He was just in awe at the sight of the planet beneath him.

The ship jolted slightly and Ezra gasped and clutched the edge of the seat.

“We’re just leaving the atmosphere,” Maul said.

Ezra’s hands stayed curled around the edges of the seat until they left the atmosphere completely and the jolting and shaking stopped.  Just as he began to relax, his shoulders dropping from where they’d crept up to his ears, and his hands slowly opening, Maul launched the ship into hyperspace.  Ezra pressed himself back against the seat, frozen in place, his eyes wide as he watched the stars stretching into long, bright lines.

After a moment, things slowly began to feel normal again.  If it weren’t for the star-streaks outside the viewport, Ezra almost wouldn’t be able to tell that they were traveling in hyperspace.

“Ezra,” Maul said, turning to face him.  “This will be dangerous.  You must stay close to me and do what I tell you.”

“I will, Master,” Ezra said.  “I always do.”

“Almost always,” Maul said.

He reached out and put his hand on Ezra’s shoulder, gripping it tightly.

“I will do everything I can to make sure you aren’t harmed,” Maul said.  “But you can't take any unnecessary risks, and you _must_ do what I tell you without question.”

“You already said that,” Ezra pointed out.

“Ezra,” Maul said, his hand tightening around Ezra’s shoulder.

“Yes, Master,” Ezra said, wincing as he felt the beginnings of bruises forming under Maul’s hand.  “I understand.”

“I don’t want you getting hurt if it can be avoided,” Maul said as he released Ezra.

“Then why are we going there?” Ezra asked.  “You said it’s not safe for people like us and that’s why we have to hide.”

“There are some risks we have to take,” Maul said.  “You’ll understand soon enough.”

As Maul turned away again, Ezra looked down, watching his feet swinging above the floor.  That nervousness he’d managed to briefly forget about crept back into his head.  He didn’t understand exactly what was going on, but he knew this wasn’t a normal test or training.  This was something much more real, something that could get him hurt worse than the scrapes and bruises Maul gave him.  Something real enough that Maul almost seemed worried about him.

Ezra clenched his hands around the edge of the seat again.  He’d do exactly what Maul told him.  He’d show his master he didn’t need to worry.  Whatever it was his master feared would happen to him, he would survive it.

* * *

 

Ezra remained silent during the rest of their journey to the Onatos sector, lost in his thoughts and his fears about what was going to happen once they reached their destination.  He knew whatever this was wasn’t normal, wasn’t anything he’d done before, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was still some kind of test.

As Maul brought the ship down toward a small planet, Ezra fidgeted nervously, his hands twitching at his sides.  Without even needing to look, Maul reached out, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“Control your fear,” he said.

“Yes, Master,” Ezra said quietly, his mind only halfway on what he was saying.

As the ship landed, hidden among a cluster of hills, Ezra stood up and followed Maul toward the lowering hatch.  Maul kept a hand on Ezra’s shoulder as they walked down the ramp and into the grass that reached up past Ezra’s knees.

“We need to walk from here,” Maul said.  “Just remember what I told you.  Stay close to me.”

Ezra nodded and fell into step beside him.  He needed to take two steps just to match one of Maul’s.  The pace quickly grew tiring, but still Ezra pushed himself to keep up.  He wasn’t about to ask for a break.  Not now.  Not when he knew that whatever they were doing here was important.

Ezra could barely keep up as he followed his master up a hill.  As they reached the top, Ezra could see the shape of some kind of old, crumbling structure nestled between two other hills, and knew instinctively that that was where they were headed.

He followed Maul down the hill and toward the old ruin.  When they reached it, Ezra tried to keep his breathing as shallow and unnoticeable as possible, not wanting to show Maul how tired he already was.

“Sit down,” Maul said as he led Ezra into the remains of the building, behind a partially-collapsed wall in what used to be a room before half the ceiling had fallen in.  “We have time.”

Ezra sank onto a fallen chunk of stone, glancing around him into the shadows.  The place was clearly a cache of some kind, with crates filling most of the space, some covered by tarps to protect them from the elements.

“Is this why we’re here?” Ezra asked.  “To steal supplies?”

He glanced around again in confusion.  If that was their purpose here, then wouldn’t it have made sense to land closer to the ruin?

“No,” Maul told him.  “We’re here for something else.”

“What?” Ezra asked.

“You’ll know soon enough,” Maul said.

Ezra was too tired to hide his small, frustrated sigh as he looked down at the ground, gently bumping his heels against the stone he sat on.  He knew his master didn’t need to tell him anything, but that didn’t mean he had to like it when Maul wouldn’t give him a straight answer.

“Is this a test?” Ezra asked.

Maul hesitated for a moment before answering.

“Yes,” he said.

“Then shouldn’t you tell me what you’re testing me for?” Ezra asked.

He froze up, his mouth snapping shut as he felt Maul’s surge of frustration in the Force, slamming against his mind like a blow from a closed fist.

“I’m sorry,” Ezra muttered.  “I didn’t mean -- I shouldn’t have said that.”

Maul remained silent, and for a moment, Ezra was sure he wasn’t going to say anything and would ignore both Ezra’s question and his apology.  When Maul finally spoke, Ezra could sense his reluctance to give him the information.

“The smugglers who use this cache should be passing through here soon,” Maul said.  “They are carrying something on their ship, and you need to retrieve it.”

“Why me?” Ezra asked.

“I’ve been training you for five years now,” Maul said.  “But your skills haven’t been tested away from home, against opponents who won't go easy on you.”

Ezra’s hands twisted together nervously in his lap.  His master had told him to stay close and do what he was told, but now it sounded like he was going to have to do this alone.

“I will be there with you,” Maul said.  “I can take care of most of the resistance we meet, but you need to find what we came here for.”

Maul’s reassurance did nothing to calm Ezra’s nervousness.  He bit down on the base of his thumb, chewing at his skin as that fluttering feeling in his chest grew stronger.

“Control your fear, Ezra,” Maul said.  “Use it to your advantage.”

Ezra nodded.  He sat there in silence, trying to quell that nervous feeling in his chest.  He could do this.  He could channel his fear into anger and use it to help him.  He’d done it before.  Now shouldn’t be any different.

When the roar of a ship’s engines filled the air, Maul stood up, taking hold of Ezra’s arm and pulling him to his feet.  Following Maul’s lead, Ezra ducked closer to the wall.  He couldn’t see past Maul and just had to wait to be told what to do.

“Remember --”

“Stay close,” Ezra said, finishing the sentence before Maul had to.

As Maul stepped around the edge of the wall, Ezra followed him.  The ship, a small freighter, was set down on the east side of the ruin.  Ezra stayed close behind him as they made their way toward it, sticking to the shadows.  As they drew closer, three people, two humans and a Rodian, stepped off the ship.  One of the humans stayed behind, guarding the ship, as the others walked deeper into the ruin.

Maul reached out his hand, and the human gasped, his hand jumping to his throat.  He reached for his blaster, but before he could pull it from its holster, his head twisted to the side as his neck snapped.

“Follow me,” Maul said.

Maul raced toward the ship, Ezra sprinting to keep up.  As they reached the ramp, a strange buzzing…no, not buzzing, _ringing_ filled Ezra’s head.  He shook his head as he followed Maul up the ramp, trying to clear the sound from his head.  He was so distracted by the feeling that seemed to have taken over his mind that he was caught off guard by Maul shoving him back.  As Ezra lost his balance and fell, the sound of blaster fire echoed through the ship.  Maul’s lightsaber ignited with a crackling _hiss_ and as Ezra watched, he deflected the blaster bolts back at the person who’d fired them.  The human woman fell to the ground as one of the bolts struck her throat.

As Ezra got to his feet, he looked around the ship.  The ringing in his head was stronger now; strong enough he could barely form a thought of his own.

“Now, Ezra,” Maul said.

Ezra was jolted out of his head, not knowing whether Maul had said something else.  But he knew what he had to do.

“What am I looking for?” he asked.

“If you focus, you should be able to sense it,” Maul said.

Ezra closed his eyes and reached out through the Force, but all he could feel and hear was that ringing in his head.  It drowned out almost everything else.  Even Maul’s presence was just a faint shadow beside him.

“I can't,” Ezra muttered.  “There’s this sound…”

But it _wasn’t_ a sound.  Not really.  It was a feeling.  A presence in the Force.  And it was coming from somewhere ahead of him.  He stepped forward, running his hand over the wall.  He pulled his hand away as a small burst of power, like an electric shock, shot through him.  Whatever he was looking for, it was hidden somewhere behind the wall, or inside it.

He reached out, twisting the screws that held the metal panel that he’d touched in place.  As they fell to the ground and he pulled the panel away, he heard footsteps behind him.

Ezra turned around to see the other human and the Rodian running up the ramp on the ship, blasters drawn.  As one of them fired on Maul, the other shoved past him, rushing toward Ezra.  Ezra reached out through the Force, seizing the human man’s throat.  Even as he struggled against Ezra’s grip, he raised his blaster and fired once, narrowly missing Ezra’s shoulder.

Maul took a step toward Ezra, over the body of the Rodian who’d been stabbed through the chest and now lay dying, his blaster out of reach.  Ezra glanced at him, asking a silent question.  Maul just nodded at him.

Ezra closed his mental grip around the man’s throat even tighter, feeling the bones in his neck and wrenching at them.  It shouldn’t be any different than removing those screws from the wall.  Just twist them to the side and…

There was a _snap_ that hit Ezra’s ears as loudly as a shot from a blaster.  He let the man drop to the floor where he lay unmoving, his eyes still open, staring at nothing.  Ezra stared at him for a moment.  He’d only ever killed animals before, and he’d wondered if a sentient being might feel different, but it didn’t.  It was just a beating heart and struggle and a surge of panic before everything stopped.

Maul closed the gap between them and rested a hand on Ezra’s shoulder, gently guiding him to turn away from the dead man and back toward the wall.  The panel Ezra had pulled aside had been covering a safe.  Ezra held out his hand toward it, feeling the hard knot of the lock.  He pushed at it, trying to shove it open.  It was harder than just removing screws from the wall or snapping a neck, but finally he felt it give and the metal bolts slid out of the way.  The door opened and Ezra reached out again, calling the object inside the safe to his hand.

As it settled into his palm, he looked down at it.  It was a small, clear stone with jagged edges.  It felt warm in his hand and as he looked at it, the ringing in his head grew louder before it slowly faded.  His cast out his mental net, letting his mind brush against the stone.  It felt _alive_ in the Force, the way a person or animal or plant did.

“What is it?” Ezra asked, not taking his eyes off the stone.

“A kyber crystal,” Maul said.  “Used to power a lightsaber.”

Ezra looked up at him, his eyes widening.

“You will build yours soon enough,” Maul said, answering Ezra’s unasked question.

Ezra held out the crystal toward Maul, who shook his head.

“It belongs to you,” he said.  “Or it will, once you can control it.”

“What do you mean?” Ezra asked.

“I will explain everything to you at home,” Maul said.

As he guided Ezra back toward the open hatch and down the ship’s ramp, Ezra kept staring at the crystal that lay in his palm.  He understood now why his master hadn’t told him much.  He _was_ testing Ezra.  Testing him to see if he was capable of finding the crystal before he could claim it as his.

As they walked toward the hills where the _Nightbrother_ was hidden, Ezra ducked his head to hide the fact that he couldn’t stop smiling.  It wasn’t the kill.  He’d held no personal grudge toward the man, so his death wasn’t something Ezra cared much about.  And it wasn’t the crystal he now held clutched tightly in his hand.  It was the way his master had looked at him after it was all over.  It was the pride and affection he’d felt in the Force.

Ezra loved knowing that he’d made his master proud.  He loved knowing that he’d done the right thing.  And he was more than a little happy to know that it meant Maul’s next touch would be one of affection and not pain.  Ezra didn’t resent the pain Maul inflicted on him.  He knew it only happened when he deserved it, so he _couldn’t_ resent it.  But feeling an encouraging hand on his shoulder rather than a blow filled his chest with a soft, glowing warmth.

He’d done it.  He’d done what his master expected of him and he’d done it well, and now he was going to take the next step in his training.  He would make sure his master was proud of him again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse

“A kyber crystal needs to be bent to the will of the person wielding it,” Maul said as he paced in front of Ezra, who was kneeling on the floor, the crystal in one hand.  “You must pour your pain, your anger, your grief, _all_ of your power into the crystal to bring it under your control.”

Ezra nodded to show that he understood, that nervous fluttering and buzzing rising up in his chest as he listened.  Maul had told him this wouldn’t be easy, and Ezra was desperate not to fail this time.  He’d done so well the day before when he’d retrieved the crystal, and he wanted to _keep_ doing well.  He wanted his master to look at him the way he had when he’d first held the crystal in his hand.

“The crystal will fight back,” Maul said.  “Your will must be stronger than it.  You need to  _make_ it work for you _._ ”

“How will I know when I get it right?” Ezra asked.

“You will know,” Maul said.

Ezra nodded.  He shut his eyes and closed his hand around the crystal.  He reached for the memories he called on when the constant low level of anger his master had taught him wasn’t enough.  But it all just slipped away, fading under the warmth of the pride and affection he’d sensed the day before.  He tried to push the thought of it away.  If he wanted his master to be that proud of him again, he had to be able to do this.

“Focus, Ezra,” Maul hissed.

“I’m sorry,” Ezra said, the words slipping out automatically as his heart pounded at the slightest hint of his master’s anger.

He reached for the memories again, only for them to fade as nervousness and doubt crept in.  The sound of Maul pacing in front of him echoed as loudly in his ears as if it were happening inside his own head.  Each footstep marked another second passing.  He could sense Maul watching him, waiting, feeling inside his head to make sure he was focused.

Ezra gasped, his eyes flying open as Maul gripped his hair, wrenching his head back.

“I won't tell you again,” Maul said.

“I’m sorry,” Ezra said, a hard knot of fear tightening in his chest.  “I’m sorry.”

“Apologies mean nothing if you don’t try,” Maul said.

He released his grip on Ezra, who shrank in on himself, trying to become as small as possible as if he could disappear.

“I _am_ trying,” he said.  “I promise I --”

His words cut off by a cry of pain as Maul backhanded him.  He fell back, catching himself on one hand.  For a moment, he stayed perfectly still, frozen under his master’s gaze, bracing himself and waiting to see if he’d be hit again.

When no second blow came, Ezra slowly straightened up.  He clenched his hand tightly around the crystal, feeling its jagged edges digging into his skin.  His face still stung where Maul had hit him, heat radiating from where he knew a bruise was forming.  Anger burned in his chest as he stared down at the hand that held the crystal.  He latched on to it, clinging to it like it was keeping him from falling, holding onto it and following it back to those memories.

_He was pinned against the wall, his arm twisted behind him, Maul’s other hand around the back of his neck, fingers digging into his throat._

The crystal seemed to grow hot in his hand.

_He was locked in the dark, empty room, his wrists and ankles cuffed, his body aching from the beating he’d taken.  He was lying on his side, staring blankly in the darkness, resigned to his punishment but still whispering “please let me out.”_

He felt something push against his mind, a resistance he knew came from the crystal.

_He was alone in his room, waiting to see if his master would come for him.  It had been days since he’d last seen Maul and he didn’t know why he’d been left alone for so long._

He pushed back against the crystal’s resistance.  He felt the Force flow through him like the blood running in his veins.  That resistance began to waver and crack and buckle until he felt it shatter.  For a moment, he thought he’d done something wrong.  The crystal felt different in a way he didn't have words for.

Slowly, a nervous flutter in his stomach, Ezra opened his hand.  The crystal was still there, nestled in his palm.  It was no longer the empty clear white it had been when Ezra had retrieved it.  Now, it glowed a brilliant, bright red, casting its light across Ezra’s hand like blood.

Ezra stared down at the crystal, almost mesmerized by it.  Maul had said he’d know when he’d bent the crystal to his will and now he _knew._

He felt a hand on his arm and looked up to see Maul standing over him.  He smiled as he guided Ezra to his feet.  Ezra held out the crystal toward his master, waiting for his approval.  Maul looked at it for only a moment before closing Ezra’s hand around it.  His grip on Ezra’s arm tightened briefly and Ezra felt that same rush of warmth he’d felt the day before.

“I am proud of you, Ezra,” Maul said.

Ezra’s heart skipped a beat as the warm glow in his chest grew stronger.  He’d sensed his master’s pride in him before.  He craved it and every time he felt it, all he cared about was finding a way to make it happen again.  But his master had never _said_ it before.

The words felt strange as they rang in Ezra’s ears.  He’d never once imagined Maul saying them out loud, no matter how many times he felt that sense of pride through the Force, no matter how many times he _hadn’t_ felt it and had been left feeling empty and inadequate and overlooked.  Something tightened in Ezra’s chest as he clung to the words, clutching them tightly in his mind.  He hadn’t realized until this very moment just how badly he’d always wanted to hear them.

“Thank you, Master,” Ezra said, his voice shaking slightly as a tight, heavy feeling rose up in his throat.

Maul’s hand tucked up under Ezra’s chin for a moment, and Ezra felt that glow in his chest grow so strong he could almost drown in it.  The gesture of affection was over far too soon as Maul took a step back, once again putting distance between himself and Ezra.

“Making your crystal bleed was only the first step,” Maul said.  All traces of affection and pride were gone from his voice, and he spoke in the same cold, distant voice he always used during training, until Ezra did something to make him angry.  “Now, you need to build your lightsaber.”

Ezra tightened his hand around the crystal again, taking comfort in the feeling of the sharp edges pressing against his palm.  He’d done the hard part, retrieving the crystal and bending it to his will.  He could do this easily.  He _would_ do this, and he would do it well, and maybe he’d even hear his master say those words again.

* * *

 

Ezra wandered through the dark hallways, trailing the tips of his fingers along the wall to his right, more to have something to do than to keep himself from getting lost.  The only light in this part of the building came through the windows, and it was almost twilight, but Ezra didn’t need light to find his way; not anymore.

Maul had tasked him with finding the parts necessary to make his lightsaber, and for the past three days, Ezra had spent every waking moment searching for them.  At first, he’d balked, wondering how he was going to find everything he needed in this place.  But he’d quickly realized that if he looked hard and got creative, he was able to find suitable parts.  He’d been allowed to study old diagrams and even Maul’s own lightsaber to figure out what he’d needed, and he’d been slowly amassing a small collection of scrap metal and circuitry in his room.  Now, he was only after one thing: the outer casing that would hold everything else inside it.

He opened the next door he came to and found himself in another dark, dusty room, not that much different from the dozens of others Ezra had already explored in his search.  It appeared to be some kind of maintenance storage closet.  Ezra began rummaging through the contents of the closet, carefully setting aside things that might be useful, but weren’t what he was looking for.  Several minutes passed without Ezra finding anything he could use, and he was just about to give up and move on when he saw something on a shelf just above his head.

Ezra climbed up onto a crate and still had to stand on his toes to reach what he found to be a piece of metal piping.  He jumped down from the crate and examined the pipe, testing the weight of it in his hand. He knew it would feel different when all the parts were inside it, but it wasn’t too heavy, and it wasn’t so small that it would be awkward to handle as he grew.

Clutching the pipe in his hand, Ezra left the storage area and made his way through the dark hallways again, a smile crossing his face.  He finally had what he needed.

* * *

 

When he reached his room, Ezra added his newest find to the small pile of potential lightsaber parts that had grown next to his bed over the past few days.  He switched on the datapad Maul had given him and pulled up the lightsaber schematics.  His eyes flitted back and forth between the datapad and the pile of metal and wires, trying to put the pieces together in his mind.

Slowly, Ezra reached out toward the pieces, picturing what he needed.  He could feel the pieces of metal lifting into the air, settling into place as he guided them where he needed them to be.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out the crystal.  He barely needed to move it on his own, as if it was pulled to the center of the floating cluster of metal pieces.

He gently pushed the pieces toward each other, feeling more than hearing the satisfying clicks and snaps and the grinding of metal against metal.  The cool metal of the pipe fell into Ezra’s palm, and he stared down at the newly-built weapon in his hand.  Her nervously turned it over, examining every inch of it.  His thumb hovered over the activation stud, hesitating to press it.  What if he’d done something wrong?  Maybe he should show his master first, get his approval before he tried to activate it.

Ezra stared down at the lightsaber, his indecision making him feel like a small electric current was running through his head.  Slowly, he pressed down, his heart seeming to stop in the moment it took him to do it.

The weapon seemed to try to jump from Ezra’s hand as a glowing red blade burst forth from it.  Ezra stared at the blade, barely able to believe he’d really done it.

Smiling, Ezra switched the weapon off and stood up.  _Now_ it was time to show his master.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse; references to torture and child death (hypothetical); forced drugging; restraint and seclusion; generally messed-up thinking caused by abuse
> 
> timeskip of a few months from the last chapter

Ezra threw himself back, the end of the blade narrowly missing his face.  He glanced to the side, his eyes landing on his own weapon lying a few feet away where it had landed when Maul knocked it from his hand.

Ezra’s moment of distraction was cut short as Maul reached out one hand, his grip in the Force closing around Ezra’s throat and lifting him off the ground.  He was thrown back against the wall and pinned there, instinctively clawing at the unseen grip on his throat.  As Maul closed the gap between them, his blade pointed at Ezra’s neck, Ezra froze.  He stared up at Maul in terror, his head pounding from lack of air.  As the edges of Ezra’s vision began to go dark, Maul drew his weapon way from Ezra’s throat.  He pulled Ezra away from the wall, throwing him to the ground and releasing his hold on his throat.  Ezra gasped as air flooded back into his lungs.

“Pick up your weapon,” Maul said, his voice cold.

Ezra staggered to his feet and reached out toward his lightsaber, wincing as he did so.  The fight had only lasted a few minutes, but the cut on his shoulder was already aching, and he could feel blood trickling down his back.  The cut had gone deep into the muscle and wasn’t even close to healing, and now he must have reopened it.

As Ezra’s lightsaber flew through the air toward him, Maul reached out, intercepting it.  His foot hooked around Ezra’s ankle, knocking him to the ground.  Maul ignited the lightsaber, crossing its blade and his own over Ezra’s neck.

“ _Never_ give your enemy a chance to take your weapon,” Maul said.  “I would have thought you learned that the hard way already.”

He stepped back, allowing Ezra to get to his feet again before pushing his lightsaber into his hand.  He stepped back, raising his weapon into ready position.  Ezra tried to ignore the pain in his shoulder as he raised his own weapon, waiting for Maul’s next attack.

Maul’s blade left a glowing trail in Ezra’s vision as it flashed through the air.  Ezra tried to block, but Maul quickly disarmed him again.  As Ezra’s lightsaber flew out of his hand, Maul gripped Ezra’s injured shoulder tightly, his fingers digging in around the wound.  Ezra cried out, trying to break free, but Maul just held on tighter.  Pain shot through Ezra’s back until Maul released him, shoving Ezra away.  Ezra stumbled, but managed to stay on his feet.

“Pick it up,” Maul said.

Ezra gasped in pain as he tried to move his arm to reach for his lightsaber.  The blood had gone from a small trickle to a steady stream, soaking through the bandage that covered it and clinging to his skin.

“Please,” he said.  “I need to stop.”

“Do you think the next bounty hunter who captures you will care whether you’re injured?” Maul asked.

He lunged forward, his lightsaber slashing at Ezra’s chest, narrowly missing as Ezra dodged out of the way.  He seized Ezra’s hair, forcing his head back and holding the glowing red blade just inches away from his throat.

“Do you understand what would have happened if I hadn’t saved you?” Maul asked, his voice cold.  “They would have sold you to the Empire.  Is that what you want to happen?”

“No,” Ezra said, his voice shaking.

“You know what the Empire does to children like you,” Maul said.  “If you’re lucky, they will only kill you.  If you’re not, they will _destroy_ you.  They will torture you and break you down into nothing until you submit and serve them.  Do you understand me?”

He punctuated the question by tightening his grip in Ezra’s hair.

“Yes,” Ezra gasped.  “Yes, I understand!”

Ezra was able to breathe just a little easier as Maul switched the blade off, though he kept his grip on Ezra tight.  That relief vanished as Maul struck Ezra’s face with the hilt of his lightsaber.  Ezra felt a cut open on his right cheek as the metal bit into his skin and cried out in pain as Maul threw him to the floor.

Ezra curled in on himself, instinctively trying to just make the next blow hurt less rather than defend himself from it.  This was beginning to feel more like punishment than training, and Ezra wasn’t sure he _should_ defend himself or fight back against Maul’s attacks, knowing he deserved every blow.  He’d let himself get captured.  He hadn’t been able to save himself.  He was weak, pathetic, helpless.  He was nothing without his master.

“Get up,” Maul growled.  Ezra flinched at Maul’s obvious disgust at seeing him cowering on the ground.  “And pick up your weapon.”

Ezra reached for his lightsaber, lunging to his feet as his hand closed around it, and attacking Maul, thrusting the blade toward his chest.  Maul effortlessly deflected the blow and pushed Ezra aside, not even needing to use the Force to knock Ezra out of the way.

Ezra attacked again, wildly slashing at Maul’s side, only to be pushed aside again.  He kept attacking, barely thinking through his motions.  He cried out as Maul knocked him to the ground, flat on his back, and lunged at him.  Ezra raised his own lightsaber to block Maul’s, pushing back against the blade that inched toward his chest. He reached for the Force, shoving Maul away from him, getting himself just enough room to stand up.  Maul’s lightsaber slashed toward Ezra, the blade glancing across his right forearm.  Ezra shouted in pain as he dropped his lightsaber, clutching at the wound with his other hand.

Maul drove his fist into Ezra’s stomach, knocking the air from his lungs.  Ezra doubled over, gasping for breath, and when he straightened up, he found himself once again facing Maul’s blade pointed at his throat.

“Pathetic,” Maul hissed, his blade moving up under Ezra’s chin.

Maul’s gaze shifted, his eyes focused on something else.  Not wanting to risk movement with the blade so close to his throat, Ezra tried to follow his master’s gaze with his eyes alone.  On the floor beside where he stood was a small pool of blood left there when Ezra had been knocked to the ground.

Maul drew the lightsaber away from Ezra’s throat.  Ezra stayed perfectly still, unsure of what Maul would do next.

“Turn around,” Maul said.

Ezra hesitated, and Maul grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to turn around.  He pulled up the back of Ezra’s shirt, examining the wound.  After a moment, he released Ezra, who turned to face him again.

“Go put on a fresh bandage,” Maul said, his voice cold and almost uncaring.  “Then come back here.”

“Yes, Master,” Era said with a small nod.

He quickly left the room and headed down the hall to the lift.  When he made it back to his room, he let out a small sigh of relief.

He headed into the refresher and pulled off his blood-stained shirt and the bandage underneath it.  He had to perch carefully on top of the sink in order to see the injury.  Mirrors and reflections had always unsettled him, but in the three days since his injury, he’d kept the one in the refresher uncovered.

Against his better judgement, Ezra reached back and poked at the wound, hissing in pain as he touched it.  The bounty hunter who’d caught him on Seltos had cut deep into his shoulder to remove his tracker.  Ezra hadn’t even known the tracker was there until the scanner the man held over him had gone off.  The next thing he knew, he was being held down, a vibroblade cutting into his shoulder.

Ezra tried to push the memory out of his mind before it dragged him back and he felt the ghosts of restraints around his wrists, of a hand on his left shoulder, pinning him down as he struggled and screamed.

Ezra shook his head, trying to rid the thoughts from his mind.  He couldn’t keep his master waiting.

He carefully applied a small amount of the daily allowance of bacta his master gave him, making sure to save some in case he needed it later, and placed a bandage over the wound.  He slid off the sink and dropped to his feet.  As he walked through his room, he pulled on a clean shirt, free of blood, and headed back down to the lower level.

When he reached the training room, he found his master waiting for him and stood at attention as he waited to be told what to do.  Or attacked.  His sense of danger spiked in the back of his mind just before Maul grabbed his arm.  In his other hand, he held a hypospray needle that he pressed to Ezra’s upper arm.

Almost immediately, Ezra’s vision began to swim.  His limbs felt like they were no longer attached to his body and his head felt like it was stuffed full of something soft that smothered his senses.

His hand still around Ezra’s arm, Maul led him out of the room.  Ezra stumbled as he tried to keep up, barely able to figure out how to control his own legs.  His breath caught in his throat as Maul stopped outside the nearest door and opened it.  It was the same dark room he locked Ezra in when he did something bad.  But this time the room wasn’t empty.  There was a crate in the middle of the room with a group of small holes in the top of it.

Ezra could barely lift his feet from the floor as Maul led him into the room.  He picked up a pair of binders resting on top of the crate and cuffed Ezra’s hands behind his back.  Ezra’s head was spinning so much he couldn’t even think about resisting as Maul cuffed his ankles together, too.

As Maul straightened up, he grabbed Ezra’s chin, forcing him to look up.

“Next time, I might not be there to save you,” he said.  “You _must_ be able to escape on your own, no matter what is done to you.”

Maul opened the crate and grabbed hold of Ezra, setting him down inside it.

“Don’t,” Ezra muttered, his voice quiet and slurred.  He couldn’t manage to say more than that.

“I wouldn’t if I didn’t have to,” Maul said.

With that, he shut the crate.  The _beep_ of a lock activating echoed in Ezra’s ears as Maul sealed him inside.

Slowly, Ezra pulled his knees as close to his chest as he could manage in the cramped box.  He leaned back and began to pull his hands forward, trying to loop them around his feet and get them in front of him.  When his hands were tucked up under his knees, his whole body went limp.  Just that one action had worn him out.  The drug in his system was making it so hard for him to move and being crammed into this crate only made it worse.

Ezra’s heart was hammering like it was trying to burst out of his chest.  What if he couldn’t escape?  How long would his master leave him here?  Hours?  Days?  It wouldn’t be more than days, would it?  He’d dehydrate and die if he was left here for too long.  But as panicked as he felt, he could barely move.  He could barely _think_.  But he had to find a way out.  If he didn’t escape, he didn’t know how long he’d be trapped here.

 _Move,_ he thought to himself.  _Just **move**.  You can't stay here like this._

It had to be just minutes, but it felt like hours as Ezra finally managed to pull his arms around his feet and get his hands in front of him.  He held his hands in front of his face, staring wide-eyed straight ahead, even though there was no light for him to see by.

He pictured the locking mechanism that held the cuffs together in his mind, trying to push it open.  He knew how binders like this worked.  He should be able to open them easily, but he couldn’t focus.  It was like the image of the lock he held in his mind was covered in something slick, slipping away from him even faster the more he tried to cling to it.

Ezra’s arms dropped away from his face as he used the little amount of strength he had to curl in tighter on himself.  He couldn’t do it.  He’d been set up to fail.  He was going to be trapped in here until his master decided to let him out.  _If_ he decided to let him out.

Ezra felt a dull, burning feeling behind his eyes and bit down on the inside of his lip.  He rarely felt that anymore.  There was no point.  He wouldn’t cry.  He couldn’t.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried, but he knew that even if he was locked up alone, his master would know and it would only make things worse.

Ezra lay there for hours, keeping his eyes wide to stop tears from falling, staring blankly into the darkness that surrounded him, until he felt something in the back of his mind.  He should know what the feeling was, but he couldn’t put a name to it.  The feeling grew stronger, as if something was drawing closer and closer to him, until he finally recognized it and was able to give it a name.

_Master._

The space around Ezra had been silent for so long that he cringed at the sound of footsteps approaching and the crate opening.  As Maul stood over him, his face was unreadable, but Ezra could sense his frustration and disappointment, as if it were spilling into the crate, crushing him inside it.

Maul leaned down and reached into the crate, lifting Ezra out of it and setting him down again.  Ezra’s legs shook and began to cramp up just from the motion of straightening them.  As he began to fall, Maul caught him, closing the crate again and guiding Ezra back until he was sitting down on top of it.

As Maul removed the binders around his wrists and ankles, Ezra remained silent and kept his head bowed, shielding his eyes against the light that came in through the open door.

“I expected better from you, Ezra,” Maul said.

Ezra flinched as if Maul had hit him and felt that harsh, burning feeling behind his eyes again.

“I know, Master,” he said, the words coming out quiet and barely coherent.

Maul pulled Ezra off the crate, forcing him to stand up.  As he tried to lead Ezra out of the room, Ezra’s legs gave out and he collapsed to his knees.

“I can't,” Ezra muttered.

Without a word, Maul leaned down and picked Ezra up, carrying him over his shoulder as they left the room behind.  Ezra felt something tighten in his chest.  He shouldn’t have to be carried.  He should at least be able to _walk_ on his own.  Didn’t he owe his master that much?

But Ezra could barely string together the words to protest it, and even if he could, he still wouldn’t be able to walk under his own power, so he stayed quiet as Maul carried him back to his room.

When they reached the room, Maul set Ezra down on the mat in the corner where he slept.

“How long -- how long was I in there?” Ezra asked, his words still slurred.

“Four hours,” Maul said.  “And the next time, I won't be so lenient.”

As Maul moved to stand up and leave, Ezra summoned all the strength he had left, throwing his hand out and closing it around Maul’s wrist.  His grip was weak, but it got Maul’s attention.

“I--I’m sorry, Master,” Ezra said, struggling to form the words.  “I wish I was better.  You deserve a better apprentice.”

“Oh, Ezra,” Maul said, his voice sounding almost kind as he pulled his wrist out of Ezra’s grip, “I have everything I need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of this fic. Stay tuned for the next one and don't worry, Ezra gets rescued soon....sort of.


End file.
